


She's A Mystery

by danke_rose



Series: World of Hox/Pox/Dox [1]
Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Charles Xavier - Freeform, Drinking, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Not Canon Compliant, Ororo Monroe - Freeform, Other characters in minor roles - Freeform, St. John Allerdyce Pyro, Wolverine - Freeform, iceman - Freeform, kurtty - Freeform, sex at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danke_rose/pseuds/danke_rose
Summary: This is my personal explanation story for why Kitty is acting as she is in the Marauders comic.Ororo becomes concerned about Kitty's behavior and goes to Logan and Kurt for advice.  Kurt takes Ororo's place on the Marauder to see what he can find out, and learns more than he expected.
Relationships: Kitty Pryde/Kurt Wagner
Series: World of Hox/Pox/Dox [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162625
Comments: 43
Kudos: 14





	1. Ororo's Concern

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I wrote for myself after Marauders 2 and Excalibur 2 came out (2019). I was disappointed in Kitty's characterization, so I wrote something for myself to explain it, so I wouldn't be so bummed out about it. This is entirely self-indulgent, so fair warning there. And of course, it's eventual kurtty.  
> If you're enjoying Kitty as she is, it's possible you might still like this, but please remember this is just something I wrote for myself that I decided to share. Enjoy!

Kurt was already in his seat at the Quiet Council tables when Ororo arrived. The mid-afternoon sun was bright and warm, shining on everyone scrambling for their seats, running late because time on Krakoa was easy. In spite of the easy life on the island, they had business to attend to now. Kurt wished he could feel as bright and breezy as some of his friends, but after Ororo's phone call earlier that morning, Kurt was agitated.

She had sounded flustered, hurried, and secretive when she called. She wanted to meet with him in private after the meeting, to discuss a serious problem she no longer knew how to handle. She wanted Logan to be there, too, and Kurt had a feeling it wasn't a personal problem as much as a team-related one. Still, he wondered, and hoped it wasn't as bad as he feared.

The seats began to fill up, and at last, the newly-reincarnated Charles Xavier joined them, his ubiquitous Cerebro helmet hiding his face. His death earlier that week had been shocking, and brought to light the loophole in the 'kill no man' law they'd made. Perhaps they would discuss changing that law today, to allow for self-defense.

Kurt wiggled in his seat as he studied the faces of his council member colleagues. He lingered at the Hellfire table, where Emma Frost looked more than usually smug, and Sebastian Shaw more than usually angry. Since his appointment to the Council, Kurt often wondered why Charles had chosen so many of their former enemies. Mystique, Exodus, Apocalypse, Magneto, Mister Sinister. More than half the Council was made up of enemies if he included the Hellfire Club's three seats.

Today, after his usual inspection, it was Sebastian Shaw's obvious rage that had most of his attention. Ororo was clearly in turmoil, too, but she would remain calm and was not a concern. Shaw was. He kept his eyes fixed on the center of the table, but his anger showed in the dark color of his cheeks and neck and the white grip of his knuckles. Too many years of training had left Kurt with habits he couldn't let go of, and one of those was never underestimating an enemy, even one who pledged to work with his team.

Xavier stood before them, starting the meeting as he always did with words of welcome and thanks and a brief state of Krakoa and Cerebro, brief mention of his assassination and reincarnation. There was no mention of changing any of the laws. He turned to the Hellfire table and gestured to Emma Frost.

“You've been working on our twelfth seat for some time, Emma. Have you placed someone in the role of Red King?”

_Ah, so_ this _was the purpose of the meeting_. Kurt tucked his knees up closer as he fixed his eyes on the Hellfire table. Frost rose dramatically from her seat and smiled. She always managed to look like she was about to reveal some great secret plan. “I have, Charles. I've extended an invitation to Kate Pryde, and she has accepted.”

Kurt gasped, then glanced at Ororo, but her gaze was steady, focused on nothingness, her hands folded primly on the table in front of her. He wondered if this was what she'd called about. He had seen Kitty...when was it? A week earlier? When she'd failed to pass through the Krakoan gate and broken her nose.

The incident surprised all of them. Kitty had been angry, and rightfully so, her eye and nose swelling up almost immediately as she swore. She could hardly sit still for him to set her nose. He hated it, the sound and the grimace of pain on her face, the grip of her hand on his arm that had left bruises he could feel but not see. After thanking him, she left in a funk to await word from someone on Krakoa about the gate malfunction.

Since then, she'd delivered a case of liquor to Logan and put together a team calling themselves the Marauders. The name itself was an odd choice to him, seeing as the original Marauders had nearly killed her— _and_ him—years ago. Maybe she'd chosen it as a sort of snub to them.

The Council went through lengthy rounds of questions, mainly concerning how Kate would attend Council meetings when she couldn't use the Krakoan gates. Emma didn't seem to find this an issue, and suggested something along the lines of old fashioned conference calls. Kurt found the entire situation suspicious, not least of which Kitty's involvement with Frost and the Hellfire Club. She had always distrusted Frost and the Hellfire Club. She had helped take down the London Club with him once. Why was she now working with them, as one of them?

When the meeting adjourned, he waited for Ororo, whose eyes were rimmed in red. Whatever was on her mind must be a heavy burden, as she was not one to cry very often.

“Ororo?” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You don't look well.”

“In truth, I am not.” She covered his hand in one of hers. “I need to speak with you and Logan immediately.”

“He's at Scott's place.”

“I guessed he might be. I'm going to call him back.”

“Ororo...what is going on?” Kurt leaned in just enough to regain her attention.

“I'll tell you both together. I need...I need _advice_.” Ororo pulled away to call Logan. “Wait for me here, please?”

“Of course.”

Kurt paced while he waited, considering the appointment of Kitty to the Council, on the side of Hellfire. He was still reeling from the news that she would agree to work alongside a woman she once professed to hate, who had tried to _kill_ her. She must have her reasons, but he wasn't privy to them, or much else these days where Kätzchen was concerned. He felt the familiar worry for her safety, wondering what she was getting herself into, and pushed aside the other familiar feelings she stirred in him. It hadn't been that long ago that they'd worked side by side on an almost daily basis, and he sometimes missed those days, caught up in the hectic pace of life with the X-Men again. Excalibur had become something of a pleasant memory, a dream to which he no longer believed he could return.

Ororo returned with Logan in tow, and suggested they sit by the water to talk. It was secluded and, for now, private. They made their way through the dense forest that parted at their approach, emerging on an unoccupied beach where someone on some other day had placed fallen logs for seating.

“Spill, 'Ro,” Logan said without preamble once they had arrived. He didn't bother to sit, lighting a cigar and leaning one thick shoulder against a tree instead.

Kurt perched on one of the logs, eyes flicking between his two friends while his tail flicked the sand.

“It's about our Kitten,” she began, adding softly, “ _Kate_.” She said the new name like she was at a funeral.

“Is she all right?” Kurt said.

At the same time Logan said, “Is she hurt?”

Logan would fight for the woman he thought of as a surrogate daughter. He had trained her when she was younger, and saved her life in Japan. Ororo had once treated her as a daughter, too, but as years passed, they became more friends and equals. Logan still saw her as a child, _his_ child, whom he'd saved from Ogún in Japan and trained to keep herself safe. Who'd begged him to take her to concerts and to meet Thor when she was younger. Who had tried to make his birthday special when she learned he didn't celebrate it.

“She's all right,” Ororo said, “At least for now. It is complicated...no, not complicated. The simple fact is she is not herself.” She stood up, pacing between the two men. “You heard Frost's announcement, Kurt. That is only part of it.”

At Logan's quizzical expression, Kurt explained, “She's accepted the position of Red Queen.” His stomach twisted when he said it aloud. It was the first Logan had heard of it.

“She did _what_?” Logan yanked out his cigar and threw it down, clenching his hands and growling.

Ororo touched his arm and he relaxed enough to listen. “It's true, Logan. She accepted Emma's offer to sit on the Hellfire side of the Council as their Red Queen. But there's more.”

Logan folded his arms across his chest, trying to be patient. He looked at Kurt, who shook his head and shrugged. He knew as little as Logan from here out. Kurt wished he'd made more effort to see Kitty the past few years. They'd drifted apart after Excalibur, and while he regretted it, he couldn't seem to make their schedules align. Wishing he'd tried harder wasn't helping the current situation, though, so he brought himself back to the present.

Ororo continued, her voice soft and low, as if saying it quietly enough might make it cease to be true. “She's acting differently. The warmth and compassion she once had is gone. She deals brusquely with everyone. Cold. Callous. And she's been drinking a lot. Her behavior is...erratic.”

When Ororo finished, the only sound was the quiet shushing of the water against the sand and the clattering rustle of palm trees overhead. Finally Ororo said, “I don't know what to do.”

“Perhaps she is not our Kitty at all,” Kurt suggested. He stood and paced, then stopped, hand on his chin as he thought. “She can't access the gates, and mind swaps and possessions have happened to us before...” _But if this wasn't Kitty, then where was she_?

“It's possible,” Ororo said. “Logan? What do you think? Could this be a false version of Kitty?” “Nah,” Logan said, shaking his head. “I'd'a smelled her. Could be mind control though. Need a psi to figure that out prob'ly.” Ororo hung her head. “I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me. She won't talk to _anyone_. She stays down in her cabin with Lockheed and drinks until another mission comes along.”

“I would like to speak to her,” Kurt said, as Logan nodded agreement. “In person. Perhaps we can determine if Jean or Charles should become involved.”

Ororo nodded. “What about Emma? She communicates with her regularly by telepathy. Would she not have noticed something was wrong?”

“Should. But I don't trust Frost an' never will. If me an' Kurt think it's mind control, we're bringing in Jeannie or Chuck.”

“But Kitty can't access Krakoa. She says she doesn't want to come here at all. She told Bobby she wasn't going to sit around an island while the rest of us had fun without her. I don't know how the Council will even work...” Ororo looked distraught. Kurt had seen her this way before, a few times. Most noticeably when the professor was missing.

“I have an idea,” Logan said. He stomped off through the foliage without another word. Kurt walked over to Ororo, still crying silently, and put his arms around her. She laid her head on his shoulder and wept.

Ororo wasn't one to fall apart, and after a minute, she took deep breaths, wiped her eyes, and stood up straight again. “I know Kitty has had moments of impetuousness, recklessness, even defiance. She's run away more than once. This is different, and I am sorely afraid for her.”

“I'm sure we can solve the problem, Ororo. She's still our Kätzchen, _ja_? There must be some reason she's acting this way.”

“I don't know, Kurt. It feels like she became someone else overnight. Kitty was always kind and gentle, if hot-tempered. She always had that fearless, indomitable side, but now she has become so callous and uncaring.” Ororo sighed and looked up as Logan returned, shoving branches aside as he strode out of the wooded area.

“Krakoa's gonna build us a little island where we can meet with Kitty that won't require the gates. It'll be temporary, too, so as soon as she agrees to it, let us know and we'll set it up. Here's the coordinates.” Logan passed her a paper.

Ororo stood up. “I'll go now. It takes some work to get to the ship. Thank you both. I'll do my best.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt learns just how different Kitty's been acting. 
> 
> Mention of child mutant trafficking (don't worry, they get the guy)

“A mission? What kind of mission and why are we meeting them in the middle of nowhere?” Kitty looked again at the coordinates Ororo handed her, obviously in Logan's handwriting. Her expression was skeptical as she looked over the lettering and up to Ororo's face.

“He wouldn't tell me. He said it was important and it has to be you.”

“I'll think about it,” Kitty said, already heading back down below-deck. “You _know_ we work for the Hellfire Trading Company now, not the X-Men. You bring any more good stuff with you?”

Ororo stiffened. “No. I did not bring any alcohol.”

Kitty made a disgruntled noise and dropped out of sight. Ororo sat down hard on one of the benches nearby, hands shaking. Once this was done, she was finished with this deal. No more Marauders. She couldn't take it, watching Kitty become what Frost had once been, what Logan sometimes still was. It was tearing her apart.

  
  


That evening, Ororo emerged from her cabin to find Kitty at the bow, feet propped on a railing and a bottle of something in her hand. The wind whipped her hair into her face, blowing strands across her eyes and mouth, but she seemed not to notice or care. She didn't turn around when she spoke.

“Hey, Ororo. I decided to take the mission. Well, I'll meet with 'em at least. Told Pyro to set the course. We're heading there now.”

“Okay. I'm sure Logan will be glad to see you. He misses you.” She snorted. “Yeah _right_. He likes me being out _here_ so I can deliver his supplies of whiskey.” She waggled the bottle in her hand.

“They _all_ miss you. _We_ all miss you.”

Kitty made an even more indelicate noise and set the bottle on the deck. Storm backed up apace. “I better let him know we're coming.”

“Sure.” Kitty waved her hand dismissively as Ororo hurried away to call Logan and Kurt. She hoped it wouldn't take long for Krakoa to create the temporary island.

Kitty wondered why Logan _actually_ wanted to see her. Surely not for more whiskey, he'd call for that. She had a feeling something was going on, and she suspected it had to do with Ororo's behavior lately. She'd been acting strange, detached, not as invested in their work. Maybe she was going to quit. That'd be a shame, really. Ororo was a huge help when they ran into squalls at sea. Kitty switched feet on the rail and took another sip of her whiskey. She made a face. Cheap stuff, not very tasty, not that it mattered much. Next time they put into port, she was getting something _good_.

  
  


Krakoa's temporary island was barely that—a pile of sand surrounded by water. Kurt and Logan sat with bare feet in the water waiting for Ororo and Kitty to row to the island. Behind them, Bobby and Pyro waved greetings. Kitty's voice carried across the water, scoffing at the small island and irritated at meeting in such a bizarre location.

“Is this a joke?” Kitty said as Logan and Kurt helped them pull the small boat onto the sand.

Logan clapped Kitty's back. She looked tired and reeked of stale alcohol. He ignored Kitty's remark, shooting Ororo a quick look. “Hey, half-pint, how are things goin'? That's quite a ship you got there.”

Kitty shrugged. “Gift from Frost. Here, I brought this to share. Whatever's left is yours.” She hefted a box out of the rowboat and dragged it up the beach.

“Thanks, kiddo,” Logan said, lifting a bottle of whiskey out and handing it to Kurt. “Nice stuff. Where'd you get it?”

“Stole a bunch of it in Hawaii.”

Logan showed no reaction and Kurt kept his thoughts to himself while he read the label. Kitty had never been one to steal, unless it was a dire emergency. Word was she'd stolen the first boat that brought her to Krakoa, too. He remembered a time when she'd given a homeless man money for his clothes. Ororo was right. She'd changed.

“Not a word from you about it, either, Nightcrawler,” Kitty said, and at her use of his code name he looked up, surprised that she'd guessed the direction of his thoughts. Years ago it wouldn't have surprised him at all. _How time changes things_.

“Shall I remain silent then?” he said, trying to sound playful.

“Only if you're gonna be an ass.”

Logan narrowed his eyes at her. “Only one bein' an ass here, kiddo, is you.”

Kitty rolled her eyes and harrumphed at him. “This was supposed to be a meeting with you and me, Wolverine. I didn't know you were bringing _guests_. So what's this super important mission?”

Dropping onto the sand again, Logan used a claw to pop open the cap on his whiskey. Kitty grabbed a bottle and sat down beside him, taking a swig of her own. Kurt shared a glance with Ororo, who seated herself between Logan and Kurt, keeping him far from Kitty. She was in rare form already, and Ororo didn't want to see the former friends going at it.

“Well,” said Logan after a long swig, “Turns out there's a guy in Sydney who's been trafficking mutant kids for shits and giggles.”

Logan had already told Kurt he'd gotten them a real mission to deal with, to see how Kitty behaved while she was 'on the job,' so to speak. She didn't react to the shocking information other than to ask a few questions.

“We're taking him down?” She swallowed some of her whiskey.

“Yep.”

“Who's coming with us?” Another swallow.

“Us four. That's it.”

Kitty sat up. “What about the rest of the Marauders?” Another swallow.

“They will have to wait for us elsewhere,” Kurt said. The name still sent shivers up his spine. Still made him think of Riptide, who'd come so close to killing him, and Harpoon, who had caused Kitty such severe trauma she'd almost discorporated.

“I didn't ask you,” Kitty said without looking at him. Her voice was hard.

“You got a problem?” Logan said, snatching her whiskey bottle away before she could take another drink.

She scowled at him. “No.”

“You talk like that to the Elf one more time, and you an' me are gonna have words. And by words, I don't mean _words_. You got it?”

“Yeah, _Dad_. I got it.” She stood up in a huff. “I'm not a kid anymore, Logan. And I'm not an X-Man, either.”

“That don't give you no call treating your friends like shit, either. You act like a toddler, I'm gonna treat you like one, X-Man or not.”

“I'm not—” she began, then snapped her mouth shut with a huff. “When do we leave?”

  
  


Why had Kurt come along? Kitty paced in her cabin, angry and torn. Of all the people, of all her friends to bring along. She should have known. She should have guessed what Ororo was upset about and she should have predicted Logan would bring Kurt with him. The two were practically joined at the hip. Whatever. She shook her arms and tried to loosen the tension that seemed to have made a permanent home in her neck. She could do this. She just had to make it through this mission and they'd leave and everything would get back to the way it needed to be. It had to. Everything was at stake.

  
  


They arrived in Sydney a couple days later, after Kitty grudgingly instructed the rest of the Marauders to stay on Krakoa to await further instructions. Logan provided the boat, a yacht with quarters even nicer than the ones on the _Marauder_. She wondered who he was trying to one-up, Frost or _her_. Over those two short days, Logan and Kurt witnessed firsthand even more of the change in Kitty's behavior.

Not only was she rude and downright mean, mostly to Kurt, she was drunk when she did come around, although that wasn't often. Logan, Kurt, and Ororo spent the evenings talking and enjoying one another's company, while Kitty retreated to her cabin to drink and do whatever she did in there alone.

Arriving in Sydney would have been a relief, except not much changed. When they docked in the city port, Logan shared the most current intel and split them into teams.

“Two teams, one hits his hideout, and the other hits his 'business' location. Ororo, you're with me. Kitty, you and Kurt take the business and if I hear back you're actin' like a child, I'll have your captaincy for dinner.”

“As if you could Logan. You didn't give it to me, the Hellfire Club did. I answer to _them_ now.” For all her bluster, Kurt thought she sounded sad. It made his heart heavy, full of wanting to hold her and love her and knowing she would not want that. Not from him.

“So I heard. What's that all about anyway?”

“Krakoa doesn't want me so I took _this_ job instead. That a problem for you?” She didn't sound sad anymore, but it was too late. He'd heard it. Kurt was certain there was more going on than he could imagine.

“Yeah, actually it is,” Logan said, still bickering with her.

“Too fucking bad.” She started towards the business address without giving Logan another glance. Kurt clapped Logan's shoulder and assured him he'd be all right.

  
  


Logan and Ororo headed towards the hideout of Wilson Buchanan, mutant child trafficker, hoping to catch him unawares and take him to the police.

“We haven't learned anything,” Ororo said as they walked the streets in disguise. They'd been walking for almost an hour.

Logan's eyes darted from empty alleys to darkened doorways and into the eyes of strangers they passed. He never stopped walking. “About Buchanan? We know plenty.”

“About our Kitten.”

“Oh. Yeah. Wait'n see. She used t'talk to Kurt. Maybe he c'n get her t'talk again.” Wolverine took a puff of his cigar and sniffed the air. “Smells like crime.”

“I can't continue working with her,” Ororo said as they moved faster towards the source of the crime-y scent.

“You have to, 'Ro. Someone's gotta keep an eye on her.”

“I know, Logan, but I can't. I can't...” She hung her head. “It's not only Kitty, it's the ship. I can't sleep at night, I can't even make it to my cabin most nights. The walls close in and...Someone will have to take my place. I can't...” She stopped, inhaling deeply to center herself. “I _won't_ remain with her. Find someone else.”

“All right, 'Ro. I'll see what I can do. For now, let's take this asshole out.”

  
  


Across the city, Kurt and Kitty had located the 'business,' on a secluded street behind numerous other buildings. It was a small storefront, with a larger space behind, and was currently marked closed. The walk there had been mostly uneventful, Kitty barely speaking. After a few failed attempts to talk to her, Kurt fell silent, too. When they arrived at the business, Kitty stuck her head through the wall and reported the place empty.

“There's no one here. This is a total bust,” she declared, “I'm going in anyway.” She disappeared through the wall, leaving Kurt to find his own way in. By the time he found a window, Kitty was already downloading everything off the main computer. She tossed the data card at him when he teleported in. “Took long enough,” she said.

“You know I can't—”

She didn't bother to listen to the rest of his statement. Kurt sighed as she turned her back on him and walked into another room, her ponytail swinging. Kurt stuffed the data card into a concealed pocket in his uniform and decided to do his own snooping in the other rooms of the business. It was mostly innocuous papers and notebooks and houseplants. He met up with Kitty again in the front room. At least this time she took him with her through the wall.

On the other side, Kurt said, “Should we—”

Kitty interrupted. “We'll meet up with Logan and Storm now.” “ _Ja_ , that's what I was going to—”

“You aren't the team leader anymore.” She barely looked at him when she spoke, and even now she was scanning the street and heading back the way they came.

“Why are you so angry at me?” he said, grabbing at her elbow.

She shook him off and sneered. “As if you need to ask.”

“I _do_ , actually, and I _am_.”

Kitty moved like she was hell-bent on picking a fight with the world, and Kurt had no doubt she would. And come out on top as well. God help whoever got in her way today.

“If you can't figure it out, I'm sure as hell not telling you.”

“Why? You're afraid I might have a reasonable explanation?”

She whirled, eyes blazing in anger and something else he couldn't identify. “No, because you _don't_. So shut up about it and let's finish this stupid-ass mission so you can go back to your fucking island and leave me alone.”

He didn't move when she started walking, until he heard her mumble, “Good. Stay there. I'll do this myself.”

Kurt trailed behind her, then, trying to devise a way to talk to her so she might listen. They'd been friends too many years to throw it away, even if that's what she was trying to do. Something was very wrong, and he meant to find out what. He'd done some stupid things, even hurt her before, but she'd never been this angry with him.

Not soon enough they reached Buchanan's hideout, where there was no sign of Logan or Storm. Kurt teleported up to the roof while Kitty searched the building perimeter. They saw neither of their friends, but inside the building, Kitty reported a group of scruffy looking men and another group of people who looked friendly and normal, holding tightly to the hands of a small child.

She understood what this was. The “nice” looking ones went out and found children, then brought them back for the others to deal with. She stepped through the wall without bothering to signal for Kurt, and within minutes had disarmed and taken out more than half the group. Kurt joined her at last, climbing through a window, and grabbing the child.

Kitty met him outside before he could return to assist her.

“You should have told me you were going in,” he said, irritated at her brash and careless behavior. “Again.”

“Why? I don't need your help.”

He straightened slowly and faced her, losing his patience at last. “Because we are a team, _ja_? You still remember what that means, do you not?”

“You're not _on_ my _team_ ,” she said, her words biting. “I work for Hellfire Trading now.”

“Kätzchen...”

“Don't fucking call me that,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “I'm Captain Kate Pryde.” That sad tone was back, but he was too angry to care this time.

“You are no captain. You are no one I know,” he said, lifting the child into his arms. He turned his back to Kitty while he called the police. Let her walk away, he didn't care. No wonder Ororo had come to them.

  
  


Kitty bit back tears as she let him walk away. She hated this, hated it so much, but it had to be this way. There was too much risk involved. It would be easier once they were apart again. Oh, _why_ had Ororo gone to him? She knew the answer, of course. They'd been friends once upon a time. Good friends. The best of friends. The kind who didn't forget each other and didn't stop caring and didn't move on without the other, except that was exactly what they'd done. It hurt too much to think about for long, so she refocused herself and considered her current options. _It was_ good _that had happened_. It made this easier. She wished she could believe that lie.

  
  


Kurt met the police at a nearby cafe and left the child with them. When he returned to Buchanan's hideout, it was in flames. He searched frantically for Kitty or Logan or Storm, praying they were not inside. As he raced around back, he nearly ran into Kitty, looking smug while the flames licking their way up the side of the building.

“ _Mein Gott_ , what happened?” he said, forgetting his anger for the moment.

“Isn't it obvious?” She waved her hand at the building, smiling.

He gritted his teeth and said, “I _meant_ how did the fire start?”

“With a match and some whiskey.”

“ _You_ did this?”

“Yep.”

“What if Logan and Ororo are inside?” He began searching for an entry that wasn't already engulfed in flames.

“They aren't,” she said calmly. “They're over there.” She motioned towards another building, and Kurt _bamfed_ over to join them, watching Kitty from the greater distance.

“What happened?” he asked, still in shock and disbelief.

“Just what she said,” Logan replied. “She set it on fire.”

“Where were you?”

“They tricked us with a decoy,” Storm said. “When we returned, you and Kitty had already retrieved the child and the building was ablaze. She set her old boat on fire as well. Do you think—”

Kitty sauntered over. “Can we go now?”


	3. Changing Crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Ororo trade places because she's had it with Kitty's crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kitty has a potty mouth. Or I suppose, swears like a sailor? Anyway, language.

As Logan piloted them back to Krakoa and the _Marauder_ , Kitty stared silently out to sea, drinking liquor she had found somewhere along the way back. Kurt avoided her. Logan and Ororo talked quietly together, and he avoided them, too. He watched from a distance as Kitty drank herself into oblivion, argued with her friends, and refused to acknowledge him at all anymore. This woman, whom he'd once called his best friend, wanted nothing to do with him now, and he didn't know why. It felt like someone ripping his heart out in paper-thin strips.

When they rendezvoused with the Marauders' ship, Kitty went across the gangplank and waited for Storm to join her. “Aren't you coming?” she said, hands on her hips, scarf whipping in the wind.

“No. I'm not,” Ororo said.

“You're deserting?”

“No. But I refuse to remain in a situation that is causing me such distress and pain. I won't watch you do this to yourself.”

“Do _what_?” she snapped. “Make a _life_? Figure out where the _fuck_ I belong in this disaster of a new plan Xavier's cooked up?”

“Good-bye, Kitten.” Ororo turned away, Logan's arm around her.

“It's _Kate_ ,” she growled.

No one answered her.

“Fine,” she spat. “We'll manage without you. At least the boys know how to have fun when we're not busy.” Pyro and Bobby had crept up on deck at the sound of yelling, and peered around the corner of the main cabin, waving shyly at Kurt and Logan.

“Kid, you got issues, an' I don't know how t'solve 'em,” Wolverine said after he'd led Ororo to the other side of the deck. “But you better get yourself straight, because I ain't puttin' up with you on the Council like this.”

“You don't have a say in it, Logan,” she hissed.

“But I do,” Kurt replied.

“And so do I,” Ororo said.

Kitty stared back, real fear creeping up her spine. Perhaps she'd pushed them too far. It was such a fine line, such a balancing act. She thought of Kurt in the circus, walking the high wire. This felt even more dangerous.

“You have no idea what I'm doing here, or what's going on, but you've already decided my fate. Fuck this shit. I'm the goddamn Red Queen now.”

She reached down and let fall the gangway connecting the two ships, then strode onto the bridge of the _Marauder_. The engine fired up and the ship pulled away from Wolverine's smaller vessel. Kitty didn't hear the puff of air at the back of the structure where Kurt appeared, quietly taking Ororo's place, a decision made on the trip from Sydney to Krakoa.

Pyro and Bobby greeted him warmly, shaking his hand and patting his back. They admitted Kitty was acting rather odd lately, but Pyro attributed it to the pirate lifestyle. Bobby, who knew her better, wasn't so sure.

“She's gotten kinda mean,” he said when Kurt asked for more details. “And she doesn't talk to anyone. Not about much besides the missions anyway.”

“Ororo told us, and we've seen it ourselves,” Kurt said. “Between Kitty's behavior and the claustrophobia, she couldn't take it anymore. I myself have had about enough of it after only a few days, but in talking to the others, we decided I'd join you for a while.”

The three of them talked a while longer before Bobby took Kurt down to find a cabin. “That's Kate's,” Bobby said, waving his hand at a door marked 'Captain.' “It's strictly off-limits.”

“I bet it is.” Kurt turned the knob of the Captain's quarters and found it unlocked. He grinned at Bobby.

“I wouldn't. Lockheed guards it. He'll fry you.”

“Good. He's just the dragon I want to talk to.”

“It's _your_ fur,” Bobby said, holding his hands up and backing away.

Before Bobby disappeared up the steps, Kurt called, “Keep her distracted if you can.”

  
  


Kurt opened the door a crack and called out to Lockheed. He waited a moment and opened the door farther.

“Lockheed, it's Kurt Wagner, Nightcrawler. I need to talk to you.” The dragon flew to the doorway, smoke rising from his nostrils as he glared at Kurt.

Kurt raised his hands. “Relax, Lockheed. I only want to talk. I'm concerned about Kitty.” At this, Lockheed grinned and flew back into the cabin, waving Kurt after him. Kurt slipped inside and shut the door. Lockheed landed on the back of the Captain's chair and flapped his wings.

“Kitty isn't quite herself lately, is she?” Kurt said, to which Lockheed nodded vigorously.

“Do you know anything? Why is she so angry?”

Lockheed shook his head.

“She doesn't talk about it to you at all?”

He shook his dragon head again, cooing sadly. Kurt scratched his chin. “If you're willing to help me, I'd like to find out.”

He nodded and flapped his wings once, stretching his chin upwards for Kurt to scratch more. They both jumped when the door flew open and hit the wall with a crack.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kitty said to Kurt, and then to Lockheed, “Why'd you let him in?” Lockheed flapped up to Kurt's shoulder. Kitty glared, speechless for a moment before turning on Kurt again.

“You snuck on board _my_ ship, broke into _my_ cabin, and now you've convinced my _last friend_ to abandon me? What the hell, Kurt?”

“Do you truly believe you have no friends?” Kurt said, standing his ground.

Kitty threw a punch, but he anticipated it, and caught her fist in his hand. It was then he saw the tattooed letters on her fingers. He grabbed her other hand, holding them out in front of him to read the words.

“What have you done to yourself?” he said softly. “What does this even mean?” She snatched her hands away roughly. “None of your business. I'm an adult. I do what I want.”

“Ah, yes, you've made that point a few times. This may come as a shock, but we _all know_ you're an adult. You don't have to convince us through careless, harmful behavior.”

“I'm not! And what do you know about what I do, anyway? You're always holed up on that island fucking everyone who says yes.” Even Kitty seemed shocked at her words, but she pushed past him into the room. “This is _my_ cabin. Get out.”

“Not until you apologize.”

“Not a chance.” She faced him from the window, not more than five feet from him. “You just don't want to hear the truth.”

“It isn't the truth at all, and it is very hurtful.”

“That's 'cause the _truth hurts_.”

“Then perhaps it is you who does not want to hear it.”

She glared at him. “I _know_ about you. I know about _your_ law and I know what you do on that goddamn island all night. Just because I'm not allowed to be there doesn't mean I don't know.”

“But you do _not_ know. And you are mistaken about a great number of things. And I'm not going to let you attack me, or bully anyone else.”

“I'm not a bully.”

“What do you call it then?”

She yanked her scarf off and tossed it aside, then pulled a bottle out of a stash on the floor. “Self-defense.”

“What are you defending yourself from? None of us want to hurt you. We're your friends.”

“Ha!” She tipped the bottle back and drank, and when she was finished, Kurt snatched it away.

“Give that back,” she said. “If you're on my ship, then I'm your captain.”

“You are no one's captain right now. You're an angry young woman with a drinking problem. Must I follow Rachel's example and dump it all in the sea?”

“Go ahead. I really don't care.”

He reached for the box, and she swung her leg out, sweeping his from under him. He recovered quickly, _bamfing_ upright to find her hands in fists at the ready.

“This is what you want?” he said. His chest felt hollow.

“No, it's what you get when you don't get out of _my fucking cabin_.” He stepped back, pausing in the doorway to glance at Lockheed before addressing Kitty once more, “What happened to you?”

“I grew up. Shut the door when you leave.”

He watched as she took a seat, always looking out to sea it seemed, her back to him. Lockheed flew over and landed on Kitty's lap, resting his chin on her hand. Kurt wondered what she was looking for out there. Or perhaps it was not in the sea, but in herself.

Kurt stood silently another moment, wondering how he was going to reach her when she wanted nothing to do with him. Then he shut the door and went to his cabin.

  
  



	4. Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty finally tells Kurt something, but it's not what he might have been hoping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian Shaw puts in an appearance. I don't like that guy.

Kurt's cabin on Kitty's ship _The Marauder_ was tiny, but it reminded him of the caravan. The roll of the ship was like the movement of the wagon, and he slept easily until early morning, in spite of the day's events. Bobby and Pyro welcomed him to the galley where they ate. Kitty didn't join them.

The days passed in much the same way—rise, eat, check the ship, wait for messages from the Hellfire Club or Emma Frost, eat, sit around, eat, go to bed. Kurt wondered how any of them could stand it. They had cards and played games, and Kurt climbed around the outside of the ship, but there were no masts or rigging to play pirates in. He was impressed Ororo had lasted as long as she had. He saw very little of Kitty.

After several days, he decided just hanging around wasn't helping him solve the mystery of Kitty's bad attitude, but as he schemed ways to get her talking, they got an assignment. Back to Russia.

The ship was fast, he gave it that, and they arrived in only a day. He expected to dock, go ashore, do some fighting and then maybe have shore leave or run away quickly, but instead Kitty told them all to stay on board. A burly man met them at the dock and transferred some large crates to their ship while Kitty handed him some smaller boxes.

That should have been the end of things, but the man seemed to want something more. He was arguing with Kitty animatedly, hands flailing, face reddening. Kitty stood with her arms crossed, unmoved. Bobby warned Kurt to wait for Captain Kate's signal if she wanted help. She didn't like being interrupted in a fight.

Kurt perched on the side of the ship watching along with the others. “When does the fun start?”

“Huh?” Bobby looked sidelong at him.

“The _fun_ ,” Kurt repeated. “She said you two knew how to have fun.”

“Oh. Well, we do, when there's a chance for it,” Bobby said. “When we were in port last time, we had all kinds of fun. Dancing, kissing strangers, getting tattoos...” he gestured at Pyro's face.

“I heard _you_ have even more fun on Krakoa these days,” Pyro said with a wink.

“Uh, no? No more than usual.”

Bobby leaned in closer. “We heard there are orgies every night and you guys _did_ pass that law. _Make more mutants_.”

Kurt sighed. “We did make that law, _ja_ , but I don't think—”

“Shit, come on,” Bobby interrupted, leaping onto the dock.

More burly men had joined the first, and it was an all-out brawl now. Too bad the burly men were no match for the X-Men. He couldn't bring himself to call them Marauders. Once the henchmen were subdued, and the first man was flat on his back, Kitty put a boot to his throat.

“Listen,” she said, “Tell your boss we don't negotiate deals after they're done. If he tries to cross us again, it won't be just his damn boot-lickers who take a fall.”

The man growled and grabbed her ankle, thinking to take the advantage. Kurt fought his instinct to help her, clenching his fist. Kitty simply phased her leg through the man's neck.

“If I become solid, your neck goes splat.”

“Okay! Okay!” the man let go and raised his hands in surrender. Slowly, Kitty removed her foot from his neck.

“Boys, check their vehicles for anything worth keeping. We've earned it.” She strode down the dock after them, leaving the thugs with a warning called back, “Stay where you are and you'll go home in one piece.”

None of them moved.

Bobby and Pyro returned with two cases of whatever she'd decided to take. Kurt followed them back on board the ship without a word, and Kitty immediately disappeared into her cabin. In the common room, Kurt helped unload the crates while Pyro steered the ship back out to sea.

One was filled with papers and equipment and the other was food and liquor. He and Bobby were sitting at the table when Kitty came in and started taking food out for a meal.

“What?” she snapped in Kurt's general direction.

“I said nothing.”

Bobby got up and left as fast as he could. Kurt heard him telling Pyro to scram when he met up with him in the doorway.

“I know you're sitting there judging me. It's what you do best,” Kitty said.

He decided not to answer her attacks. She was goading him, obviously, and he had to stop rising to meet her attacks. She dropped onto the bench across from him.

“I'm surprised you're willing to share the table with someone as _despicable_ as me,” Kurt said.

“Shut up.”

“I don't think so. We have much to discuss, and it's difficult to do when you are so adept at avoiding me.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“You seem to have plenty of insults and empty accusations. And besides, I have things to say to you.”

“Oh, _goody_ , I can't wait.” She folded her hands and stared at him, wide-eyed in mock fascination.

“Ororo left because of you. Because you've changed. Are you aware of that?”

“That she left or that I've changed? I'm aware of both.” She took a bite of her sandwich and a drink of something he assumed was beer. “What of it?”

“You don't care?”

“About what?”

“Anything. That your friend is distraught, that you're on your way to becoming an alcoholic, that you're heartless and cold and calculating and—”

“Shut _up_ , Kurt. You don't know shit.”

“Only because you won't talk to me.”

She laid her hands flat on the table and leaned forward, her words as venomous as he'd ever heard. “I'd rather chew broken glass than talk to _you_.”

He slammed his hands on the table as he stood. “Enough! Unless you can tell me why you feel I deserve your ire, I'm going to go back to the Council to recommend that you be immediately removed citing incompetence, negligence, and irresponsibility. And if I must, I will teleport the whole way.”

She knew he couldn't do it. It was too far. He'd kill himself. “Your proof?”

“Ororo will stand with me, and we'll call Logan to testify as a witness.”

“Dammit, Kurt, don't do this,” she said, but the bluster was gone from her voice.

“Don't pin this on me, _Kate_.”

She tapped her fingers nervously on the table. “We can't have this conversation.”

“Why not?” he demanded, encouraged by the more familiar tone of voice.

“I work for a _telepath_.”

He sat down again slowly, watching her eat, wrapping her hand around the drink. His eyes lit on the tattoos again.

“Fine,” he conceded. “Why don't you tell me about these,” he said, running a finger over the knuckles of one hand.

She made a sound that he supposed was a dismissive laugh. “They're nothing.”

“They are not. Why did you choose these words? _Hold Fast_. Does this mean something to you?”

She shrugged. “Just popped into my head at the time. We had to be paying customers to stay, so...”

“So you chose _this_?” He shook his head. “It isn't you. It makes no sense to me.” He ran his thumb over the letters again, her fingers resting in his palm now. She was motionless, watching him, he realized. He took the opportunity to press further. “What happened, Kate? Why are you so angry with me?”

At the question, her eyes fell to her plate and she pulled her hand away. “Figure it out yourself.” He swore at her in German, then teleported out of the cabin.

  
  


Kitty stared at the space where he'd been, feeling slightly sick. _This,_ this _was what would kill her_ , she thought. Why had he come here? Why did he stay? She took her food to her cabin and locked the door. She faced a familiar dilemma once again. If he left, it would be to report her to the Council, who might actually side with him against Frost and remove her. She already knew what Shaw thought of her. If he stayed, she was bound to lose the one friend she was certain she could not live without.

  
  


Kitty got a call from Frost almost as soon as she shut her door. The Marauders were being called to New York to pick up Sebastian Shaw and deliver him and two colleagues to Florida. A sort of VIP trip, Emma said. He wanted to see the ship, see Captain Kate in action.

“You know Ororo quit.”

“I know, Kate,” Emma said in that icily calm voice. “It doesn't matter.”

“And Kurt's here.”

“Hm. Why?”

“I don't know.”

“It doesn't matter. As long as he's not causing any trouble.” She laughed. “He isn't trying to _make more mutants_ is he?”

“Ugh, _no_ ,” Kitty said, focusing her eyes somewhere on the horizon.

Frost laughed again. “Be in New York by Friday. I'll meet with you before you receive Shaw.”

“Got it.”

Kitty went to the bridge and changed their course, informing the small crew by intercom of their new assignment. She expected Kurt to come barreling in, complaining, but no one did. She had the bridge and the entire upper deck to herself. She went to the bow and let the air beat against her face, flinging her tears into the mix of salt spray.

  
  


Shaw strutted as he led his 'business associates' onto _The Marauder_ , gesturing to the guns and acting as though it were his personal property. Kitty forced a smile and took the three to their quarters. There were plenty of cabins on the ship, and each was prepared for their guests with plenty of wine. There were silk sheets and other luxuries as well, purchased in New York when they arrived days ahead of schedule.

Shaw's associates, nameless women wearing far too little and laughing far too much, happily accepted Pyro's offer of a tour, while Shaw met with Kitty in the ship's galley.

“I hope you don't think to usurp me, girl,” he said, not bothering to hide his animosity.

Kitty didn't care. “I don't need to. I have what I want. I hope you don't plan to usurp _me_.”

Shaw's smile was calculating. “Why would I need to do that?”

“I know you wanted to put someone else in the role of Red Queen. I don't think for a hot second you won't keep trying to overthrow me.” She leaned forward. “It won't happen.”

Shaw shook a finger in her face, and when it passed through her harmlessly, he was flustered. Before he could start yelling, Kitty stood up and walked out of the room, smiling placidly just to infuriate him.

He rose to follow as Pyro came through with the two women draped on his arms. Shaw, torn between his anger at Kitty and his jealousy, growled something unintelligible, and the two women scurried over to appease him. Pyro shrugged and went up on deck.

During all of this, Kurt kept out of the way. He didn't know if Shaw knew he was on board, and if he didn't, then he had the element of surprise on his side. If he did, no matter, he still had the advantage. Shaw didn't know where he was. Over the past few weeks, he'd taken heed of places he could hide, in case it came down to spying. Those same hiding places could be useful in case of ambush, too, and now with Shaw on board, Kurt was putting them to good use. If Kitty knew he'd been watching the exchange in the galley, she didn't say anything about it.

The trip was relatively uneventful. Kitty stayed on the bridge or in her cabin. She let the others deal with Shaw and his 'associates' as much as possible, and when they docked in Florida, all of them were relieved to watch the Hellfire Club's Black King depart.

“You've earned a rest, boys,” Kitty said, addressing all three of her crew members. “You take the first shore leave. Be back by morning.” She waved to them and went to the bridge.

Kurt looked over his shoulder at her, sitting with her feet propped up on the control panel. He considered staying behind, but her attitude was terrible at best, and he was in need of a break. Cocoa Beach was a tourist trap, but at least they had food and stores. He didn't need much, just a few basic necessities, and when he was done shopping, he took everything back to the ship. Kitty was still on the bridge, book in hand and bottle at her elbow.

He stopped in to let her know he was back and wasn't planning to go out any more. She continued reading and he thought she might not bother to answer. Then she tucked a bookmark in the page and turned. “Okay,” she said. “Then I'll be back in the morning.”

Disappointment weighed his shoulders down and he didn't have the energy to answer her. He teleported directly to his cabin instead of walking.

He didn't sleep at all. He spent the night pacing the deck, worrying. It was stupid and pointless, and still he did it. She was strong and tough and could more than hold her own in any fight, and yet he worried. Bobby returned before sunrise, and Pyro not long after. They waited for Kitty until nearly ten.

She looked like she'd been in a fight. One side of her face was swollen and bruised, her hair was disheveled, her shirt had a tear in the arm seam, and she was limping slightly.

“Bobby,” she said as she climbed onto the ship, “I need an ice pack. Pyro, you and Lockheed get me a nice hot tub to soak my feet.”

Kurt wondered if she'd ask him for help too, but she ignored him and passed through the deck out of sight. Bobby and Pyro disappeared, too, off to do their duty before their captain got really mad. Kurt went to his cabin to sleep.

He wasn't there but five minutes when someone started pounding on his door.

“ _Ja, ja, was ist es_?” he said, heaving himself back out of his berth.

Pyro was at the door. “Captain wants to see you.” Pyro patted Kurt's shoulder. “Good luck, man.”

“Uh, thanks,” Kurt replied as he passed him and knocked on Kitty's door.

“Yeah?” she said, and he opened the door but did not go in.

“Pyro said you—”

“I did, come here.”

“No.”

“No? What—I'm your captain.”

“I said no. I don't care if you're the captain or the queen or who you are, I'm tired of the way you treat me. Do you require medical attention? If so, I suggest you return to shore.”

He turned on his heel and left, ignoring the angry protests she shouted at his back.

  
  


She had to do something. She was falling off that tightrope, trying to straddle two completely irreconcilable situations and tipping precariously to one side. She couldn't let him think she was incompetent, but she needed the rest of them to think she was incompetent. Telling him the truth would endanger him, and she couldn't endanger him, but she couldn't keep lying to him, either.

She left the hot water and took the ice pack with her. Kurt didn't answer the first time she knocked, and the second time he yelled something in German so loudly she was almost afraid to go in. She went in anyway. He was in bed, with the covers halfway over his head, but what she could see of him was angry.

“I'm sorry for being a jerk to you,” she said.

He groaned and rolled to his side. “I really, really want to talk to you, but right now, I really, really need to sleep.”

“Why? I mean, why are you so tired?”

“I didn't sleep at all last night while you were out...picking fights.”

“But _why_ didn't you sleep?”

He closed his eyes, trying to be patient. She was talking to him, not yelling, not acting like...like _Kate_.

“I was watching the ship, and worrying about you. I _know_ —you don't need me to do that. It's an old habit. They sometimes die hard.”

She didn't say anything, and he opened his eyes, expecting her to look angry. Instead, she looked sad. He sat up, holding his hands out to her. “What's wrong?” he said, almost pleading with her to talk to him.

“I can't tell you.”

“Of course you can. You can tell me anything, even if it's about me. I don't care, I only want to understand.” Everything hung in the balance. If this went poorly, it would all be over in a day at most. And who knew how many people would suffer for it? Maybe all of them.

“Get some sleep and I promise we'll talk when you wake up.” He didn't think he'd be able to sleep after that, but he did, and woke hungry in the middle of the afternoon. He could tell the boat was under way, which was probably a good thing. Out at sea, she couldn't readily leave him somewhere. Unless she made him walk the plank, and he wasn't going to put it past her.

In the galley, he fixed a meal and then went looking for her. She wasn't on the bridge. Pyro was, but she hadn't been in her cabin either. He didn't know where else to look for her. Pyro gestured to the bow. “She's out there.”

She was at the far front of the ship, leaning over as they sped along, water spraying into her face. She had a bottle in her hand.

He called to her from a ways back, so as not to startle her into falling overboard and being killed by the boat. She leaned back and turned, damp hair sticking to her face.

“Hey,” she said, and for possibly the second time since the meeting on the tiny Krakoa offshoot island, she sounded like her old self.

He was so taken aback, he struggled to reply. “You...er, you said we could talk?”

“Yeah. I did.”

He leaned on the railing, not close to her. A memory came unbidden, of the two of them on the cruise before she'd been kidnapped, leaning over the railing—dangerously far over—and laughing hysterically. He swallowed the memory and stood up. “Will you tell me what's going on?”

“I...I _can't_.”

He gripped the railing and tipped his head to the sky in sheer frustration.

Kitty added, “But there are still things we can talk about.”

“ _Wunderbar_. Shall we discuss the weather? Dinner options? Or the Cowboys versus Packers game?” He waited for the stinging retort that didn't come.

She moved closer to him and when he looked at her, she said, “I'm going to storm off to my cabin now, but meet me there in ten minutes.” And she stormed off.

Kurt wanted to hit his head against the railing just to feel something other than frustration, confusion, and heartache. He waited where he was for the allotted time and then wandered downstairs.


	5. I Can't Tell You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I learned recently that liebchen is generally used as an affectionate term in a kind of more romantic way. This surprised me, because my paternal great-grandmother used the term a lot with her grandkids (she was German), and then my grandmother used it and so on down the line. But language changes. Anyway, Kurt uses it sometimes with Kitty for exactly that reason (in my head and in my fics). So that's why he calls her that in this chapter.

She was in her cabin and this time when he knocked, she opened the door and let him in silently. Lockheed was curled up by the window, cooing in his sleep.

“Have a seat if you want,” she said, and he felt sick from the way she sounded like herself, like his old friend.

He sat in her chair and she crossed her legs at the foot of her berth. “I know it isn't worth much, but I'm sorry it's been like this.”

“A sincere apology is worth a lot to me in fact.”

She nodded. “Okay. Well. I really _am_ sorry, and I don't think it's going to get any better, and I'm sorry about that, too, but I can't do anything about it.”

“Why?”

“I can't tell you.”

He looked away, wondering if he would ever know her again, or if she really was lost to him. He never should have let her drift away from him. He never should have pushed her. “Then what have we to discuss?” he said at last.

“Well.” She looked at her hands. “I'll tell you what I can.” She held her hands out, tattoos up. “These? I can phase the ink out. So...it's no big deal.”

“Kate, your tattoos are the least of my concerns. They're only a symptom.”

“I know this is hard because...I know you won't want to trust me now.”

“True.”

“You have to.”

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, rubbing his head. “I don't know.”

“Kurt,” she said, and he looked up, thinking she was crying. She wasn't, but she looked close. “I want to tell you everything, but I _can't_.”

He shook his head. “Yes. Yes you _can_. You've always talked to me. No matter what you've done, we can figure it out...” She was shaking her head as he spoke, and he stopped, hands out in supplication.

“I _can't_. They'll find out and they'll _kill_ you.”

“I've faced worse.”

“You really don't understand what's at stake. I can't risk you. It's too much already, I've said way too much.” She reached for the bottle and took a long swallow. “God this stuff is disgusting.”

He stared at her in total confusion.

“Keeps my mind nice and foggy,” she said. “I work for a telepath, remember?” She waited for him to understand, prayed he would make the connections. She'd always been the one who did that, who pieced the mysteries together for him, egged him on and showed him the way. He nodded slowly and leaned back in the chair again.

“I'm not mad at you,” she said, looking out her window at the water. “I was never mad at you. We drifted apart, you and I, but it wasn't your fault or mine. It just happened.”

“You were angry about that?”

“No, I _wasn't_. I'm not. I'm not actually angry at you at all. I just didn't want you here.”

“Oh.”

“It's not safe. I knew...I _knew_ you'd do this. You'd keep at me until...” she took another swallow. “You have to stop asking. Just play along.”

“I don't understand. You're scaring me.”

“You should be scared. But not of me. You better go now.”

He stood up to leave, but before he opened the door he said, “If you're in danger, I want to help you. I would gladly do this with you, if you would let me.”

“I know. I can't let you.” She looked back at him and smiled sadly as he left.

  
  


One of their assignments brought them to Bangkok. When they were done, they stayed ashore, going from club to club. Kurt used his image inducer and at first, he enjoyed himself as much as the rest of them. Drinks flowed freely, there was dancing and laughing and then someone started a fight. After they got kicked out of the first club, Kurt decided one of them needed to sober up a bit, and it didn't look like the others had any intention of doing that.

At the second club, he ordered a beer and followed his friends through the crowds. The music here was better, and they stayed longer. Other people approached them, dancing and flirting, and when he turned around to find Kitty, she was kissing the guy she'd been dancing with.

When they finally left, he walked beside her. She was drunk, and swayed as she walked. He offered his arm, sure she would push him away, but she didn't. She leaned on him and grinned. “You're still a gentleman.”

“Sometimes,” he said. “So. Who was that guy?”

“Which one?”

“The one you kissed.”

“Which one?”

She giggled, and he stopped asking. They walked another block and she stopped suddenly, turning to him. “Hey,” she said. “Look. I can do that if I want. I'm a grown-up. Remember?”

“ _Ja_.”

“I can kiss everyone I want. Just like you.”

“Sure, Kate.”

“If you're so jealous, why didn't you kiss anybody? It's just like Krakoa only...not so many mutants.”

“It's nothing like Krakoa.”

“Why not? It's party party party there all night long.”

“Not all night long.”

She laughed. “See? Party party party!” She shoved him. “You just miss all your girlfriends.” She started walking again, still holding his arm.

“I have no girlfriends.”

“Oh, sure you do,” she insisted with a wild wave of her hand. “All those women love you.” He shook his head and didn't answer her.

“You don't wanna tell me 'bout 'em?” she said. “Okay. I'll find out anyway. I found out about all the others.”

He raised a brow. What was she talking about? “My relationships have never been secret.”

“Anjulie was,” she said in a sing-song voice. “And I found out about her.”

“I _told you_ about her.”

“Yep, that's how I found out.” She nodded. “So now you can tell me 'bout the others.”

“Kate, there aren't any.”

She laughed. They reached the ship and went on board, and Pyro collapsed on the deck.

“I'm gonna sleep right here,” he said, and closed his eyes.

Bobby made it down to his cabin and Kurt made sure Kitty got to hers too. In his own quarters, he crawled into bed, wondering why she cared if he had 'girlfriends' or not.

  
  


He didn't see her all the next day and half of the following. They stayed in port, but no one went out. By noon the second day, Kurt went looking for Kitty. He'd seen the others, and confirmed they survived their Bangkok club experience, but he hadn't seen her at all. Her door was shut, as usual, and he knocked, hoping Lockheed wasn't on guard.

Kitty opened the door and let him in without a word.

“I only came to make sure you were all right.”

“Yeah. I'm fine.”

She wasn't in her uniform, one of the few times he'd seen her in anything else. Just loose pants and a Cat's Laughing t-shirt. She used to wear those all the time years ago.

“I don't think I've seen that shirt before. Is it new?”

“It's from their last concert.”

He nodded, feeling stupid and awkward. He perched on her chair while she played with Lockheed, who crawled back and forth on her shoulders.

“What's it really like on Krakoa?” she said.

He hadn't expected the question, put to him so seriously. “Well...it's nice. It's...welcoming. I don't worry that someone will be afraid of me, usually, and it's peaceful.”

“Do they really have orgies every night?”

He chuckled. “That's a highly exaggerated rumor. There was only one.”

She turned wide eyes to him. “Are you serious? They had an orgy?”

He laughed. “No, they didn't. After we stopped the Sentinel mold in space and were resurrected there was a huge party, but that is all.”

“So it's not all sex all the time then?”

“No, of course not. Why would it be?”

Kitty rolled her eyes and cocked her head to the side. “Please. Everyone knows about your Make More Mutants law.”

“I will never live that down. That was...how do I explain? Raven was being snide, and I thought only to shut her up.”

Kitty stared, her mouth twitched, and she laughed. Kurt sat still and waited. “I'm glad you're enjoying my discomfort.”

“Kurt, come on, you just told me the sex law is because of a joke!” He couldn't help but smile a little. She had a point.

“I honestly didn't expect the Council to accept it.”

She got a few more laughs out of it, and then pulled Lockheed onto her lap to scratch his chin.

“I'm glad they didn't actually have an orgy,” she said. “That'd be one event I'd be happy to miss.” She shuddered.

“Why?” he said before he could stop himself.

“Seriously? Who's going to be looking for me all night at one of those?” She waited with an expectant look in her eyes.

“Piotr,” he said, and she nodded.

“And I'm done with him.”

She stroked Lockheed a long time, and he wondered what she was thinking about.

“Kurt,” she said, her voice very quiet. “Why do you think I can't use the gates?”

“I don't know, _liebchen_ ,” he said. “But I wish you could.”

“You haven't called me that in a long time.”

“I really regret letting things come between us. Since Excalibur.” She let Lockheed go to his bed, where he curled up to sleep, then she looked at Kurt for a long time. “I do, too,” she said at last.

“Maybe if I'd been there for you—”

“Don't. Stop already. None of this has anything to do with you, or us. Nothing would be different if we'd still been best friends.”

“Are you so sure?”

She blinked slowly and twisted her hands in her lap. “Yeah.”


	6. Kitty Makes a Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty carelessly says something that she fears puts Kurt in danger

Weeks passed, and every few days they'd deliver or pick up something. Now and then they'd help a group of refugees get to Krakoa, taking them on board. Kurt became designated 'host' of sorts, his naturally pleasant demeanor a good foil to Kitty's standoffishness. They had a small group of mutant refugees from Greenland on board one night when one of them fell overboard.

His mother was screaming and hysterical when Kurt _bamfed_ to the main deck. She wasn't making any sense, just screaming and trying to hurl herself over the rail while a man held her back. Kurt pulled the man off her, and she lunged again for the rail. He held her, placing himself between the woman and the water.

“Calm down, what's wrong? You can't do that, you'll drown. The water is too cold.” She collapsed at his feet, pointing and crying.

Kitty came up the stairs, angry at first at the disruption. Kurt looked up at her approach.

“She's trying to throw herself overboard.”

“Aw _shit_ ,” Kitty said and threw her sword onto the deck.

The woman managed to lift her head, pointed again, and without any further hesitation, Kitty jumped in. Kurt spun around, leaping onto the rail to look over the side.

“Pyro!” he yelled. “Get us some light down here!”

Pyro had gone to the bridge, and turned on the floodlights, aiming them this way and that, not quite in the right space.

Kurt teleported down to Kitty's cabin and grabbed Lockheed. He tossed him at Pyro. “Get some light down there _now_!”

Pyro and Lockheed lit up the sky, and at last the water was illuminated enough to see Kitty's small form rising to the surface, a child in her arms. The second her head appeared, Kurt teleported down to the water and back to the deck, bringing her and the child with him. He coughed from the strain, but ignored his own discomfort. Bobby was already there with blankets, and the woman grabbed the little boy in her arms, sobbing. Kurt put a blanket around Kitty's trembling shoulders. She sat up, ignoring him almost completely. The only acknowledgment she gave was the brush of her hand across his shoulder as she got to her feet.

He'd learned to live with this.

The little boy was coughing, hacking up water and crying. Kurt helped him while his mother cried and held him. She didn't understand any of Kurt's instructions and kept trying to pull him out of Kurt's hands.

“Bobby, get the universal translator in here,” Kitty said, and he ran to get it. “Pyro, next time someone goes in the water at night, don't wait to use the floods. Another second or two and we'd both be dead.”

Pyro nodded.

“Nightcrawler,” she continued, her voice toneless, “women don't generally try to kill themselves after being rescued from certain death. Nor do they go into hysterics over it.”

“I'll remember that in the future, Captain.”

She shivered and pulled the blanket tighter. Bobby arrived with the translator, and through it, Kurt was able to give her first aid instructions for the boy's near-drowning and the resulting complications of that and the freezing water.

Kitty then informed the woman that for their safety, they were now confined to quarters. The woman only thanked her over and over.

“If I may, Captain?” Kurt said, standing up beside Kitty, who was shaking beneath the blanket.

“Yes?”

“I suggest you also—”

“Point taken, thank you.” Kitty headed to the bridge first, checking their heading before going to her cabin.

The group on deck finally broke up as the refugees went below to their quarters. Pyro remained, leaning over the rail in thought, and Kurt joined him. “ _Danke_ for the help. I could see the water, but not beneath.”

“Sorry, mate, I didn't think about that night vision of yours.”

“It all happened very fast. I think the crisis was averted though.” Pyro nodded, then with a little wave, he left.

Kurt was alone on deck, in the dark. The stars were bright above, and the moon was high. He took the stairs down to his cabin, but something made him stop outside Kitty's. He knocked softly, in case she'd already gone to bed, but she answered right away. Over the past several weeks, he'd managed to get her to talk to him sometimes. He tried to talk about things unrelated to their work, if he could. He still didn't understand why she was pretending to be mad at him, to hate him, or why she was so harsh with everyone else as well. But at least she was talking.

She answered the door wrapped in a blanket, her hair still wet. Behind her, Kurt saw the pile of wet clothes she'd discarded and started to make apologies and excuses.

“If you wanna talk, you have to come in,” she said. It was one of her odd rules. She wouldn't have real conversations with him outside of her cabin, and even those were measured carefully, one word at a time.

“I came to see if you were all right.”

She climbed awkwardly onto the berth, holding the blanket in one hand and wiggling onto her knees. “Uh...” She struggled to sit, and Kurt watched in amusement.

“Would you like some help?”

“Um...no...I got it. There. See?” she said, smiling proudly as she finally got herself seated facing him. He took a step towards her and moved the blanket a little. She blushed, but she'd become a master at hiding her emotions, or ignoring them, so she showed no other outward reaction.

“Then you're fine?”

“Yeah.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “I can't believe you didn't realize what happened.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “In truth, neither can I. I thought she was trying to jump over.”

“Pyro said the same thing.”

He sat in the chair across from her, inspecting the floor and the walls and everything but her. He couldn't look at her and not be intensely aware of her wet clothes in the pile behind him. At last, he said, “I'm glad you're all right. You scared me.” He looked at her face briefly. “Are you—are you warm enough?”

“Someone had to save the kid. No time to discuss it.” She wiggled her feet beneath the blanket, which was woefully inadequate to cover her. Kurt stood to find another while she said, “My feet are still cold but the rest of me is okay.”

“Blankets?” he said when he didn't immediately see any.

“Chest at the end there.”

He pulled one out and draped it over her, tucking it around her back where she leaned on the wall.

“I'm really okay,” she said, as he leaned towards her, tucking the blanket around her shoulders. He was so close she could smell the brimstone odor that clung to his fur. “But you stink.”

“ _Danke_ , you are always so kind.”

She laughed, maybe the first time since he'd come on board. A real laugh, not sarcastic or mirthless. He stood up to get some distance and regarded her with disbelief. She was like a drug, and if he went too close, she gave him a contact high. “Your feet, you said?” He put his hand beneath the cover where her feet were and wrapped a hand round one small foot. “ _Guter Gott_! They are like ice. Tell me the rest of you is not this chilled?” He crouched and began rubbing, then gave up on that and climbed onto the berth beside her and stuffed them under his legs.

Kitty laughed again. “No, I'm all right.”

“You have not laughed since I came on board months ago. Why now?”

She shook her head. “I don't know.”

She leaned towards him, and he tentatively put his arm around her shoulders, afraid she'd push him away, but she didn't.

“I said I didn't want you here,” she said, “But I'm glad you are.”

“Why?” he said, hoping she might actually tell him, but not expecting it.

She stayed quiet, and he didn't try to encourage her to talk. He'd learned it didn't work. She only clammed up more.

“It's lonely,” she said finally. She turned slightly, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “I want to tell you everything.” She sighed deeply and sat up. “But I can't.”

He didn't react. She told him this often, and at first, he hoped she might finally give in to the desire, but so much time had passed now, he no longer thought she would. So he said what he always did.

“I will be here if you change your mind.” It was a promise to stick with her, a promise to help. He told himself it did help, letting her know she wasn't really alone.

She reached for the bottle of whiskey beside the bed, and it made his heart heavy watching her drink it. She had told him why she drank, that she wanted to keep her thoughts muddled. She wanted to make it harder for telepaths to get in there. She had training from Xavier from years back, the same as they all did, on creating psychic shields.

“The psychic shields are not enough?” he said as she set the bottle down.

She shook her head. “Probably not. After all—no, probably not.”

 _After all what_? “But this works?”

“I don't know, honestly, but I figured it can't hurt. Anything to keep my thoughts a little muddled and unclear. Anything to keep him out.” She froze.

Kurt felt the change in her immediately, the way she went still, and then in a panic grabbed for the whiskey, almost gone. She pulled away from him, crawling down the berth, pulling the blanket behind her. “You better...you better go, Kurt. Just go.”

Briefly he considered refusing, but it would only lead to an argument. He avoided those whenever he could now that she would speak to him again, even if it made him feel like a dirty secret.

Kitty felt her heart constrict the moment the word left her lips. So careless! She'd put him in danger. He'd never miss it, never _not_ know. But he seemed oblivious, so maybe if he left now, maybe she could keep him safe. Maybe he didn't know, hadn't heard. She pushed him away, damning the cold water and the warm blanket and the chill she felt now that he was gone.


	7. Is It a Dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty has a horrible dream that she fears is more than just a dream.

Kitty dressed in a clean, dry uniform and drank and drank. She felt the buzz of drunkenness at last and prayed it would be enough, that it would keep him out of her head and keep Kurt safe. And then Frost's voice was in her head. She answered Emma's call while pressing her face to the window like a toddler. They were wanted back at Krakoa.

Frost explained that there was another shipment of medicine for them to pick up, and she'd asked Pyro to change their course, bring them back to Krakoa.

“We're there,” Kitty said, feeling sick.

“We have work to do,” Emma said. “Everything is waiting for you.”

“Of course it is,” Kitty replied silently.

Frost wanted her crew to go onto the island and pick up the medicine and a few other items. Xavier had a crate full of mutant serum he wanted shipped to a secure location, there was a crate of the human medicine they bartered with, and another full of equipment to bring to the Hellfire Trading offices in New York.

“Have Kurt get Charles's crate of serum. I think he wants to meet with him and some of the Council, too,” Emma said. “Pyro and Bobby can get the other two crates.”

“Is Logan here?” Kitty asked, trying not to sound terrified.

“I don't think so.”

“Too bad,” Kitty said. “I've got another batch of whiskey for him.”

“You can leave it for him. I'm sure Kurt will take it to him if you ask.” Shit. This was getting worse, not better.

“Yeah. Yeah, he will.”

“All right, then. Good bye, Kate.”

Her voice disappeared from Kitty's head, and she rushed out of her cabin, up onto the main deck, where Bobby was lounging. “Where's Nightcrawler?”

“He and Pyro went ashore.”

Kitty was sure she was going to throw up again.

“Go...go get them. Right now, _right_ _now_!” Bobby was already scrambling to his feet before she started yelling, his ice bridge taking him into the heart of the island. She prayed he could find them, bring them back.

“Oh, god, what have I done?” she said aloud to herself as she sank to her knees on the deck.

The answering voice in her head said, “More than you realize, my dear _Kate_.” She heard the whooping laughter of Bobby approaching, and shot to her feet. He burst onto the beach, Pyro behind him, and was on board within seconds.

“Here's Pyro,” Bobby said. “Couldn't find Kurt. Someone said he's in a Council meeting.”

“Go back and get him,” Kitty said, enunciating every word. “We have a job to do and I can't give him the job if he's not here!” She was yelling by the end, both Bobby and Pyro stared with wide eyes.

“Uh, sure, Captain Kate.” Bobby turned to head out again.

“Wait! Take me with you,” she said.

“Onto Krakoa? Thought you couldn't go on the island?”

“I can, just can't use the gates and stuff. Take me with you. Please, Bobby!”

“Yeah sure, Kate, you don't have to yell.”

She grabbed his waist and the three of them slid along Bobby's ice path into the heart of Krakoa.

  
  


Kitty paid no attention to the sights they passed, heading to the center of the island's government. Council appeared to be in session, and they couldn't get anywhere near it. Kitty sent Bobby and Pyro to get the two crates she was sure of, while she waited for Kurt. If he was really in there at all.

“You're not welcome here,” said the voice in her head.

“I'm on the Council.” She looked for the entrance, but her way was barred each time, and she couldn't seem to phase through anything.

“So careless,” said the voice. “Did you think I wouldn't find out?”

“Punish _me_ , not him.”

“What do you think I'm doing?”

Her hands shook, and she could hear the drifting conversations from within the Council circle. She had to get in there. Everything was brambles and vines, phasing was useless against them. She pulled out her sword and started hacking her way in. The brambles tugged at her uniform and her hair and scratched her face and arms. She was almost through when Jean appeared in front of her, looking shocked.

“Kitty?” she said, pulling the vines away easily. Kitty fairly fell through the now-open space.

“It wouldn't let me through,” she said as Jean offered her hand. Kitty stood up, facing the Council she was supposedly part of, but apparently unwelcome to attend in person. She didn't see Kurt.

“Jean, where's Kurt?” she said.

“He didn't come to this meeting,” she said.

“Yes, he did, he came ashore, but I can't find him. Where is he?” she said, addressing the rest of them. No one answered her. Then, from above, branches descended into the center of the circle, Kurt encased in them, his mouth covered, struggling, and unable to teleport away. Laughter sounded from the far end where Charles and Apocalypse and Magneto sat. It echoed around the circle, until Jean, too was laughing, and Kitty discovered herself trapped again by the vines and branches. “No!” she screamed as the vines covered her mouth and held her in place.

“Your verdict?” Charles said, addressing the Council.

“Guilty,” each said in turn.

Kitty stared in horror as the floor in the center of the circle opened, a gaping black maw into which the branches dragged Kurt, still twisting and writhing until the floor covered him up again.

She screamed, but no sound would come out, the branches preventing sound from escaping. She screamed again and again, until at last she felt the sound ripping from her throat as she strained forward, pulling free of the branches and tumbling down into the same darkness.

  
  


Kitty jerked upright on her bed when the cabin door slammed open. Her heart was slamming against her ribs, she was covered in sweat and shaking. “Kurt?” she said, and her voice sounded strangled.

“ _Mein Gott_ , what happened? You screamed, are you all right?” he said, coming to sit on the edge of her berth.

She couldn't quite catch her breath, but he was here, he was alive, not trapped by vines, not sucked into the black nothingness on Krakoa. She fell against him, gripping the material of his shirt in her fists as his arms went around her.

“What did I tell you last night?” she said, breathless and trembling.

“I don't know...the same thing you always tell me. You want to tell me but you can't, you fear what a psychic will find in your head.”

“That's all you remember? You're _sure_?”

“ _Ja_ , I'm sure. What's going on?”

She began to breathe more normally, still clinging to his shirt. She realized what she was doing and let go, smoothing at the wrinkles she'd made.

“A nightmare. At least, I think it was. Maybe not, I don't know.” She looked out her window from habit, still black and dark. Her senses slowly began to return, awareness of Kurt, sitting on her bed in his pajamas, the sleeves loose and billowy like an old-fashioned pirate, the sound of the water hitting the side of the ship, the steady beating of her own heart. “Oh, god, Kurt, I shouldn't have let you stay with us. I should have made you leave.”

Kurt put a finger on her chin and turned her face to his. “Hear me on this. I am glad to be here. I would gladly share this burden with you if you would only _let me_. I would face any danger by your side, if you would let me. I don't want to go back. I want to be here with you.”

“I don't know why. I've been horrible to you.”

He grinned. “That is true.”

She smiled slightly, and he stood up. “Wait,” she said, suddenly unable to bear the thought of him leaving her sight, as if he would be in more danger if she could not see him, as if she could somehow protect him if he stayed, though she knew she could not.

“ _Ja_?”

“Don't go yet.”

He hesitated, then sat back down, leaning on the wall at the end of the berth near the window. Kitty pulled her knees up to make room, and when he sat, she stretched them out again, beneath the sheet, until her toes pressed against the side of his leg. He rested one hand on the top of her foot, rubbing affectionately. Kitty suddenly felt the weight of all this time with the Marauders, pretending to be someone she wasn't, pretending not to care, to be nothing but tough and reckless and unrestrained. She felt the emptiness of carrying everything alone and she wanted more than ever to have a partner.

“I don't think you would believe me if I told you what I know,” she said.

He blinked slowly in the dim cabin, leaning his head against the wall. “Rarely have I ever doubted your word, Kate.”

“I never had something this shocking to tell you.” She put her head on her knees and groaned. “I can't tell you. I _can't_.”

“The thing I wonder is, if you know something so terrible you cannot share it, should we not be doing something to stop it?”

She chewed her lip a moment then decided there was no harm in telling him that. “We are, actually. You just don't know what it is.”

“Oh. Can you tell me who our enemy is?”

“Absolutely not.”

He yawned, and she felt selfish for keeping him here. She had no idea what time it was, but the dark told her it was the middle of the night.

“I'm sorry I'm keeping you. You should go back to bed,” she said.

“You asked me to stay.”

“I'm okay now. Really.”

He yawned again and patted her knee. “Okay,” he said as he got to his feet. “Come get me if you need me.”

 _I always need you_. “Thanks Kurt.”

  
  


When he was gone, she got up and dressed. She wasn't going to be doing any more sleeping tonight, not with dreams like those lingering in her head. She still wasn't convinced it was a dream at all. She went to the deck, letting the sea air tousle her hair. They'd be at Krakoa in another few days to drop off the refugees. Most likely they'd pick up more medicine to ship to the cooperating nations. She was torn between wanting to make Kurt stay on Krakoa and wanting to keep him with her. The right thing would be to leave him behind. It would be safest.

In the morning, she got a call from Emma saying Xavier had medicine ready for pickup and delivery, and there was to be another Council meeting. Kitty was so disturbed by the similarity of the news to her dream that Emma asked if she was all right.

“Yeah. I'm okay. Did he say what the meeting is about this time?”

“No, he didn't.”

Kitty debated ordering Kurt to stay on board, but she doubted he'd listen. Plus, it would only call attention to him, and she didn't want to do that. She'd already endangered him once, she couldn't risk another slip up. When they arrived at Krakoa, she stood on deck and watched the three Marauders row to shore. Then she went down to the lowest level of the ship and checked that the machine hidden away in a locked storage room was in working order. She'd need it again soon.

  
  


Kurt studied the faces of the other Council members as always, noting nothing out of the ordinary. The meeting began as usual, with Charles going over the state of Krakoan affairs. He mentioned the refugees coming onto the island, that the Marauders were doing a good job of helping them and should continue their work. He mentioned their work distributing the Krakoan medicine to the humans as well, and then he said something surprising.

“I believe the Life serum is not working.”

Someone asked him why.

He tapped the Cerebro helmet as if that explained it. “We may need to alter the formula. But we won't be sharing this information with the humans. They'll only use it against us.”

The meeting continued, dragging a bit, until at last it was adjourned.

“Kurt, I'd like to speak with you,” Charles said, smiling a greeting at one of his oldest students.

“What can I do for you, _Herr_ Professor?”

“You've been on the _Marauder_ for several months now. How is that working out?”

“Better than expected. Kitty is—Kate is opening up to me some, and I think she may be adjusting better to life as a pirate. Perhaps it was only the unexpected transition that affected her.”

“I didn't realize there had been any trouble.”

“Oh. I assumed Ororo told you. She was concerned about her behavior being out of character. She was drinking a lot and concerned about—” he was about to say 'telepaths in her head' but something stopped him. He faltered, then said, “She was concerned about living outside of Krakoa, but I think it will be okay.”

“I see. I wasn't aware of any of this. You say she's doing better now? Tell me more.”

“It's my opinion that she was acting out, a sort of rebellious time, out of...of disappointment that she could not access the Krakoan gates. But she's made a place for herself with the Marauders now, and she sees the good they're doing, and I think she's adjusted.”

Xavier steepled his hands as he listened, nodding. “She hasn't had any trouble delivering the human serums, has she?”

“No, not that I'm aware of.”

“Good. Good, Kurt, thank you.” Charles dismissed him and walked away slowly, and Kurt turned to go. Charles called out to him just before Kurt teleported to the beach. “Tell Kate for me, please, not to worry about telepaths in her head. It would be... _unethical_ to pry.”

“I'll tell her, Professor.” Kurt said, and quickly teleported away.

On the beach, he stared back at the island's forested area, back towards the center where the Council met. Then he teleported again, onto the deck of the _Marauder_ and went straight to Kitty's cabin.


	8. Oh No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well looks like something's about to happen here.

“Emma. Emma. _Emma_.” Kitty repeated her name again and again, with no answer. Panic mounted as she paced from one end of her small cabin to the other, passing Kurt each time. He tried to pull her down beside him once, but she couldn't sit still, not right now.

Xavier had sent her a message.

Kurt hadn't told him she was worried about telepaths in her head.

Which meant only one thing.

“What is it, Kate?” Emma answered at last, annoyed.

“Oh my god, where _were_ you? Never mind, we have a huge problem. Can you get here right away?”

“I'll be there as soon as I can, but it won't be immediately. I'm in the middle of a meeting with Shaw and Xavier.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“I will.”

When Emma's voice disappeared, Kitty stopped pacing in front of her window. “Dammit,” she muttered. “Dammit! I knew better, I _knew better_ , I should have sent you back.” She dropped her head against the glass.

“I think it's time you told me what's going on,” Kurt said calmly. He'd told her about the meeting, about the serum not working, and that seemed to fluster her, but then when he told her about his conversation with the professor, she'd become frantic.

“Yeah, it is. I just...not yet. Not when we're right here,” she said, waving out the window towards Krakoa.

“Kate, is Krakoa not safe?”

“No—I mean, it's safe, the island is. Look, you don't have to call me that.”

“No?”

“It doesn't matter, never mind. We have to get farther away. I have to talk to Emma.” She wasn't making any sense, jumping from one thing to another. He got up and joined her at the window, putting his arm around her shoulder tentatively. She leaned into him, arms around his waist tight, and he held her.

“I'm so tired of not feeling safe,” she said.

“I will keep you safe, Kätzchen,” he said, and she clutched at the back of his shirt.

“Oh, Kurt. I wish that were true. But there isn't anywhere...there isn't _anywhere_ we could go to be safe.” She pressed her face into the front of his shirt. “Emma and I need more time, it's too soon. Oh god, he's gonna kill us all.”

Kurt didn't know what to say. He didn't know what they were facing, and until he understood the scope of their enemy, he couldn't offer his opinion on the likelihood of their deaths. So he held her and gave thanks that she was letting him comfort her.

Suddenly she jerked upright, pushing him to arm's length. “I wanna show you something.” She bolted out of the cabin and he followed close on her heels as they went down a long side corridor, and another longer one to a set of metal stairs. They descended several levels into the bowels of the ship, and then Kitty unlocked a storage room.

Inside, even before she clicked on the light, he could see a machine resembling a monstrous blender. There was a canister on top and a control panel at the bottom, and around the perimeter of the room were empty jars of the Krakoan life serum.

“What...”

“Here,” she said, sitting at a computer terminal. She started typing things into it, and a screen full of data started spooling. “Before Sabretooth was sentenced, he and a team raided an office building. Everything you see came off a data card Emma took from him. Sit down and read it and tell me what you see.”

“I don't know, Kätzchen, computers aren't my area of expertise.”

“It doesn't have to be. Trust me.”

She got up and he took her place in the seat. “I'll be back in a second. I have to make sure everything is secure.” She pressed a few buttons on a control panel before going out the door.

Kurt began reading what looked like the summary of several experiments. Gradually, he began to see a pattern. Each failed experiment was followed by a new one, until at last, one was successful. The notes at the end of the final experiment explained that the Krakoan flowers could be used to give life or take it away.

“Each previous experiment showed that a serum could be generated using the flowers to add years of life to any living being, but it was only with the addition of a different nectar that we were able to take away life,” Kurt read aloud. He read it again, and again, to be sure. “The final, perfected serum will cause death in over 90% of users, with a randomized assortment of causes over the course of several years. It is the perfect solution to the human problem.”

Kurt's hands trembled. He shook his head and pushed the chair back with a loud scrape. Kitty appeared in the doorway, and he raged. “What is this? What are these lies?”

“They aren't lies. It's exactly what you see.”

“No. No! It's not true, it can't be. All those people...” He grabbed her arms, too tight, but he didn't even realize.

Kitty said no more. She knew what he felt, she'd felt it too when Emma had shown her the data. Together, they'd planned everything with the Marauders—the shipping, distribution, even Kitty becoming Red Queen in order to maintain control of the Marauders and the delivery of the drugs. Each batch went through the machine, removing the deadly nectar and leaving behind what was essentially a placebo. A useless, harmless nothing that would neither help nor harm the humans who took it. The way she and Emma figured, it was better than delivering the poison, and who could say if anyone lived longer or not? They had nothing to compare it to.

Kitty's arms ached where Kurt gripped them. “Kurt, you're hurting me,” she said, and he let go, sputtering, falling away from her. She knew he was filling in all the blanks, and he was in shock.

“You knew? You knew _all this time_?”

“Yes. Emma and I know.”

“You deliver this _poison_ to people?” He had trouble speaking the words, the idea of her being party to this heinous crime was revolting. How could he even look at her?

“No, Kurt, we purify it. See?” She gestured at the machine. “We render it inert. It's useless.”

He found his way to the chair again and sat down. “Tell me everything,” he said, his voice hard. “No more lies.”

“I never lied to you,” she said as a tone sounded in the corridor outside the room. “Oh, Emma's here.” She disappeared through the doorway again, and returned with Emma at her side, looking annoyed.

“At least you had the sense to tell him in here,” she said.

“Of course. You think I'd risk his life telling him anywhere else?”

“Hello, Nightcrawler,” Emma said. “I imagine you're feeling rather shocked right now.” She looked as she always did, cool and collected, hair and makeup perfect.

“You have no idea.”

“Oh, I think I do. Charles has always been secretive and devious, but he's never stooped this low before. So that we're clear, this room is covered in three layers of psychic shielding. It's not perfect, but we're safer in here than anywhere else on board. However, he's been in your head already, and he'll be back. If he learns what we know, we'll never be able to stop him. He'll convince the rest of them that we are delivering poison and they'll send us to join our old friend Sabretooth, if we're lucky.”

Kurt put his head in his hands. “Of course, because no one would believe Emma Frost over Charles Xavier.”

“Exactly,” she said. “Until we have more leverage, proof of some kind. And how to get that, we aren't sure yet. Data can be falsified, that's easy enough to deny,” she said, “And unless we're willing to start killing humans so we can point fingers...”

“We don't know how to catch him yet,” Kitty said. “That's why we just keep purifying it and delivering it.”

Kurt stretched, still reeling from the incredible news. How could Charles Xavier be involved in—be responsible for a plot to poison humanity? “Is it possible he's being framed?” Kurt said.

Kitty touched his shoulder, and he knew the answer before she spoke. “Unfortunately, no. It's him. Possibly Moira too, and some of the others as well, we don't know yet.”

Her hand still lay on his shoulder, and she was moving her thumb in small circles. It was like years ago, when they were very close, the best of friends. He had a sudden desire to tell her how much he regretted letting that friendship lapse. Instead, he put his hand on hers and gave a light squeeze.

“Now what?” he said. “You said he's been in my head, and will be back. I don't know if I can keep him out. He's the most powerful telepath in the world, and he has Cerebro.”

“Kitty has managed. I have as well. You can too. I'm going to make sure of that,” Frost said. “I'm going to put some of my own shields into your mind, and you are going to have to train yourself not to think about this as much as possible.”

Kurt looked at Kitty. “This is why you've been drinking?” She nodded. “Partly. And what I said before.”

He began to understand the enormity of the secret these two women were keeping, and the burden they carried, trying to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem. He'd always known she was strong and determined, but this was more than that. This was real courage, to admit that one's mentor was doing wrong, and to commit to stopping him; to come to terms with the loss of that relationship, plus Moira's friendship as well, was overwhelming.

“You might want to make sure the rest of your crew isn't looking for you,” Frost said to Kitty, who left in a hurry.

When she was gone, Frost shook her head. “She should not have told you.” Kurt told her about his meeting with Xavier after the Council adjourned, and the connections he was beginning to make on his own. Frost accepted his explanation and instructed him to remain still and quiet while she placed the shields.

Kitty stayed away, and when they were done, Kurt's head pounded and he was exhausted. Emma looked the same.

“She better have some champagne around here,” Emma said. “I need a drink.”

“Thank you, Emma,” he said, and she paused on her way out the door.

“You're welcome. Let's just hope it's enough.”

“We have to find a way to deal with this permanently. We can't keep on purifying it and hoping he doesn't figure it out.”

“I know. We know. If you have any ideas, I'm open to them.”

“I'll let you know.”

  
  


Upstairs, the rest of the Marauders were back, and Kitty was talking to Logan and Storm. Kurt hadn't expected to see them, especially not on board. He waved back to Logan as he escorted Emma to her waiting boat.

“Hello Ororo, Logan,” he said, hoping he could maintain a facade as well as Kitty did.

“Hey Elf,” Logan said. “Just thought we'd check up on you guys. Make sure everyone's behavin'.”

“ _Danke_ , everything is fine.”

“Fine, eh?”

“Yes. Fine.”

“Told you,” Kitty said, smirking at Logan and folding her arms. “You want more whiskey?”

“Nah, I still got plenty. Could use s'more Cubans though.”

“I can get those.”

While they chatted, Ororo pulled Kurt aside. They walked to the rail, and she kept her hand on his arm as they leaned against it.

“How is she, honestly?” Ororo said.

“Better,” Kurt said, “We've been talking more. We worked through some things.” None of it was false, but it felt like lying. How had Kitty done it? With anger, he realized. By pushing her friends away. He thought back to her attitude at the first meeting, on the tiny spit of an island Krakoa had created just for them. This was why she'd acted that way. She was keeping him away. Protecting him. He sighed.

“What is it? What are you not telling me?” Ororo said, her hand tightening on his arm.

Gently he took her hand in his. “Forgive me, I was lost in thought.”

“You're sure you're all right? Kitten is all right? What about the drinking and partying?”

“It's a slow process...we're, uh, we're working on it.”

Ororo hung her head. “You still have no idea what caused this?”

Now he had to lie. “No, but I suspect she is rebelling against...against forces she can't control. The way she always has.” Ororo seemed to accept the explanation, and Logan called her back over.

“Kitty's got to get to Mexico for some refugees,” he said. “See ya, punkin'. Kurt, next time you're here, I want a beer with you.”

“Of course, Logan. We'll be back soon.” Ororo and Logan flew back to the island, carried on her tropical winds.

Kurt turned to Kitty. “Mexico?”

“Yeah, that's legit. Emma just sent word. Pyro,” she called into the bridge. “Set a course for Sánchez Magallanes.”

“I'm going to lie down. My head is killing me,” Kurt said. He started for the stairs.

“Wait a sec,” Kitty said.

He waited at the top of the stairs while she came closer, and then drew him into a fierce hug. In his ear, she said, “If this goes wrong, I don't want to spend the time we have pretending I hate you.”

The relief he felt nearly brought him to his knees. He hugged her back, drowning himself in her scent of her hair and the feel of her slim body held against him.

Finally she pulled away. “Go get some sleep. That's an order.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” he said, with a smile. Kitty smiled too, and for the first time in months, she felt like things might actually work out in the end. Having Kurt on the team again, being able to talk to someone, her friend, about what was happening, she no longer felt alone and abandoned. He'd come for her, stayed for her, and was still here. Maybe everything would turn out okay after all.


	9. Snowball Fight in Mexico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That happens, also Kurt is afraid of sharks.

When they arrived in Sánchez Magallanes, Mexico, another Hellfire Ship was waiting. Emma had sent it to rendezvous with them after the refugees were brought to safety.

Kitty knew the purpose was more to keep her away from Krakoa for a while than to assist. What it meant to the crew was more shore leave. They anchored offshore, far enough that they weren't any issue to the government, but close enough to row to land if they wanted.

After Bobby and Pyro left, she and Kurt spent two hours in the shielded room speculating about how to deal with Xavier's poison plot. By the end, they were both frustrated and depressed. Every solution they came up with created some other disaster.

“This sucks,” Kitty snapped as they headed back up to the crew deck. “I'm going swimming,” she said.

“What about sharks?”

“Can't eat what they can't touch.” She looked at him sidelong. “You know, more people are killed by cows every year than sharks. And coconuts.”

“You're kidding,” he said, halting mid-stride. “Coconuts?”

“Yep.”

“I suppose I'll take my chances with the sharks, then.”

The water was warm and after the stress of the past few days, they relished the chance to play. Kitty tossed the life preservers in and they alternated floating and swimming, until Kurt swore he saw a shark fin.

“I've never felt the same about sharks since that incident in the holo-gym on Muir Island,” he said, gripping Kitty's hand while she phased him.

“Relax, you big baby,” she teased. “I'd never let a shark eat you.” They floated side by side on life preservers, until Kurt's anxious watching of the horizon made Kitty give up. “It's no fun if you're scared, come on.”

He teleported them onto the deck, and Kitty set the preservers back on their hooks. Kurt couldn't take his eyes off her. She cocked her head at him when she turned back. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar,” she said playfully. “I probably have seaweed in my hair or something.”

“No. You look fine. Beautiful, like always.”

“Oh, now I _know_ you're lying. I'm going down to shower.” 

She went straight through the floor and didn't hear him when he said, “I'm not lying.”

  
  


Now that Kurt was in on the secret, and she no longer needed to pretend she was mad at him, all the other feelings she'd worked hard to keep buried started flooding back with a vengeance. She showered and wondered if she should have kept up the ruse for that reason alone. Now he joined her in the ship's galley, his hair curling wildly from their swim and his shower. He'd put on a t-shirt and shorts, and both clung damply to his fur. She swallowed the tea she was drinking and hoped she wasn't blushing.

Kurt made a snack and sat down across from her. “No whiskey?”

She did blush at that. “No. Not right now. I don't _always_ drink...”

He patted her hand, as if he thought he'd hurt her feelings. “I'm only teasing.”

“I know.” She stretched her legs out under the table, until she felt his feet on the other side, and pressed her ankles against his. He didn't even blink, just hooked his feet around hers so he was cradling them. They heard Bobby and Pyro return, crashing into the galley like toddlers.

“You shoulda seen those guys!” Pyro said, laughing. “They never saw it coming!”

“Saw what?” Kitty said.

“The snowball fight!”

Bobby and Pyro doubled over, laughing, then grabbed beer and sat down at the table.

“You started a snowball fight?” Kurt said. “In Mexico?”

“Can you imagine their faces?” Kitty said, smiling.

Bobby and Pyro froze.

“What's going on?” Bobby said.

“What?” Kitty set her tea down and frowned at him.

“You two aren't fighting,” Bobby said, waving his hand between her and Kurt. “What's up with that?”

“Oh,” Kitty said. “Um...”

“I apologized for some previous bad behavior.”

“And I apologized for some current bad behavior.”

“Oookay....” Bobby tipped his beer back. “Does this mean things are gonna be nicer on board now?” Kitty looked into her cup, ashamed of herself, though she believed at the time it was necessary.

“Everything's fine, Bobby,” Kurt said. “Where are we going now?”

Pyro leaned down the table. “Let's go to Jamaica.”

“We're not going to Jamaica,” Kitty said quietly. “I think we're going to head south.”

“Like South America?” Pyro said.

“Maybe...honestly right now I'm just waiting to hear from Emma.”

  
  


Evening rolled around and passed, and Kitty sat on the deck with a book. She hadn't had any nightmares since the one that had woken everyone on the ship (apparently; Kurt told her so later), but still, every night she dreaded going to bed. It was after eleven and she was tired, her eyes kept drifting closed, but then the water would slap the side of the ship and rouse her, or they'd hit a particularly deep trough between waves, and her head would loll to one side.

Finally she gave in and trudged down to her quarters. She paused outside Kurt's cabin as she had many other nights, touching the door before moving on down the hall to her own cabin. Inside, she climbed into her bed and stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of her ship. Lockheed crawled onto her stomach and lay there, keeping her warm and just uncomfortable enough that she didn't fall asleep.

“You're hiding something from me,” said a voice in her head as her eyes drifted closed. She shot bolt upright and focused, blocking it all out. This was why she'd been drinking all the time. She must have lowered her guard and somehow he got in, through some little crack in her defenses. She started naming foods in alternating German and French, counting backwards in binary, anything to keep her mind from thinking about _that thing_ she couldn't think about right now because he was listening. _Snooping_. Digging in her head where he had no right to be.

Finally she dropped through the floor and went down to the machine room, phasing through so she'd be locked inside. Her hand shook as she rested her head against it. They had to find a solution fast. There just wasn't much time before he discovered what they were doing. Already he had figured out the serum wasn't working as he'd planned it to. Already he was trying to find a new one. One they might not be as easily able to counteract.

Sitting on the cold floor of the machine room in the middle of the night was not conducive to sleeping, but she was tired enough that she fell into a fitful sleep at last. She had no idea what time it was when she woke up. She phased back out of the room and headed up to the deck. It was early still, the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. She went to the bridge and plotted a random course, sailing about the sea until Emma contacted her.

Lockheed perched on her shoulder and cooed as footsteps approached. Kitty turned, expecting Kurt, who was running a hand through his hair and yawning a little.

“ _Guten Morgen_ ,” he said as he came up behind her with a hug and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. She felt the blush creep up her face, and kept her eyes on the horizon.

“Hey,” she said. He rested a hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer. “What's all this for?” she said.

“All what?”

“This affection,” she said, waving her hand vaguely, “Did you get lonely?”

He dropped his hand, and she was immediately sorry for saying it.

“No.”

She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, not this time, so she turned and gave him a tired smile. “It was nice.” She hugged him, and yawned against his shirt. He was warm and she was tired and she let her eyes close, just for a minute. 

“Wake up,” he said softly, touching her head.

Kitty lifted her face, blinking. “I'm not asleep,” she said, pressing closer, holding him a little tighter. She hadn't realized how much she had missed the closeness.

“Did you not sleep well?”

“No.”

“Why not go back to bed then?”

“I can't. We have things to do.” Kitty held up a finger as Emma's voice rang out in her head.

“You're being called back to Krakoa,” Emma said.

  
  


Kurt couldn't hear the conversation she was having with Emma, but he could feel the way her body tensed up, the way her grip on his waist, already strong, became tighter. She pressed her face into his chest and he stroked her hair the way he'd done when they were friends before.

Finally she said, “We have to go to Krakoa. Professor's calling us back to pick up a delivery. New medicine. Already.” She said the last with such defeat.

“What does that mean?” Kurt said, still running his hand through her hair.

“It means we have to come up with a way for the entire shipment to be lost so we can figure out what he's done to it and deal with it.”

“What if we can't?”

She didn't answer him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In one issue of Excalibur, he and Kitty are in the Muir Island equivalent of the Danger Room (I never know what to call it) when the Bamfs (the evil version) mess up the controls and everything goes crazy. There are mechanical sharks.


	10. Someone Gets What He Deserves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See chapter title

Krakoa had never seemed more menacing to Kitty than they day they drew alongside the shore to pick up a new batch of “medicine” for the humans. Kitty suspected Xavier knew someone was altering his drug, but so far, he hadn't called anyone out directly. No one was on the beach, but Kitty waited before releasing her crew. She gathered them on deck before they lowered the boat.

“We're here to pick up a new shipment of drugs, and that's it. We aren't staying. No overnight this time. We're on a tight schedule with this delivery. Pyro and Bobby, you find Xavier and see where the box is. Kurt, I need you to help me bring up the crates of the old drug. He wants them back.”

Bobby and Pyro left, and once they were gone, Kurt said, “Are you really going to give them to him? He'll know for sure they've been tampered with.”

“I know. I'm not giving them to him. There are two crates. We're going to have a rather unfortunate accident.”

They went down to the storage room and brought up one crate at a time. “Wait until we have an audience,” Kitty said.

While they waited for Bobby and Pyro to return, she loosened the lids of the crates, insuring the contents would spill out easily. At last the two arrived on shore with the crates—three instead of one—of drugs in tow. They'd gotten Scott to help bring the last crate.

“Let's get these crates ready for transfer,” Kitty said, lifting one. As Kurt lifted the other, she turned, bumped against him, and knocked him off balance. He stumbled into the railing and the weight of the crate carried him over the side. Kitty squealed as she went over the side after him. Kitty came up cursing loudly, nearly screaming at him for the accident.

He knew it was for show, but even so it irked him. Months of this act had made him impatient, and he snapped at her in response.

“It was not my fault! You take no responsibility for anything that happens on your ship, and that is not how a good captain behaves!” he said, then teleported back onto the ship.

Kitty growled at him, walking up the air to shake herself off, still muttering curses and scowling. “Take the rowboat to Bobby and try not to dump _that_ into the sea if you can manage,” she ordered.

She intended to go below and change, but something made her wait. She stood on deck, arms crossed, ponytail dripping, boots full of water, and watched Kurt row across. He gave her one quick glance, and winked, and she nearly gave everything away.

Kurt made it to shore and dragged the boat onto the sand, talking to the others and jerking his thumb at Kitty. She could hear his voice, but not the words, as it carried across the water to her. Faster than she could react, vines wrapped around her three shipmates and dragged them into the forest. In her head was Xavier's voice.

“It seems Krakoa is not pleased with your team, Kate Pryde. I believe you have something that belongs to me. I'd like it returned. In person.”

Scott heard none of this, nor did he see the way she shook with fear and rage. He was already chasing his friends, following them into the dark corners of Krakoa.

  
  


Emma had no solutions. Kitty told her what had happened. “He wants me in exchange for them. He knows I know, Emma. But I don't think he knows who else does.”

“He can probably guess, Kate. He may be evil but he isn't stupid.”

“If he probes them, Bobby and Pyro should be okay,” Kitty said, chewing her lip.

Emma promised to head to Krakoa as fast as she could get away from her meetings in New York, but that would be hours at best, a day more likely. Kitty was on her own.

She changed into dry clothes and did her best to shut Xavier's voice out. She took her sword and a few knives that she could stuff in her belt and the top of her boots, and airwalked across the water. When she reached the land, the vines came for her, but she hacked at them, just like in her dream.

“Doug Ramsey!” she screamed. If she could get him to tell Krakoa to stop... She called him again and again, until her throat was raw, all while forcing her way through the vines and branches in the direction Kurt and the others had been taken.

She seemed to be getting nowhere, and it dawned on her that she didn't have a map or any idea where she was. She stopped, the vines still writhing in her direction, but passing harmlessly through her. All she could hear was the sound of the leaves and branches moving. There was no sound of anyone at all. She took a different approach.

“Jean?”

“Kate?”

“Thank god, Jean, I'm lost, I—”

“Head East.”

Kitty looked towards the sun and headed East, the vines no longer trying to entangle her. Kitty didn't think for a moment that she was welcome. She walked for what felt like hours, but realistically couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes, until she emerged in a clearing. Most of the residents of Krakoa seemed to be standing there, waiting for her. At the front was Charles, next to Jean.

There was no sign of her crew. She had to think of them that way. If she thought of them as her friends, as the individuals they were, she might cry.

“What's going on?” she said, trying to sound brave. She forced herself to be hard. Callous. The Kate personality Kurt had gradually been chipping away at.

“Did you bring my property?”

“I don't know what you're even talking about. Where's my crew?”

“You stole something from me, Katherine. And I know you've been tampering with the life drugs.”

A collective gasp went up around the circle of mutants. She spotted Logan behind Xavier and hoped and prayed things wouldn't get bad.

“I stole nothing from you. Sabretooth did, and he's been dealt with, as I understand it. Wallowing in some state of eternal unrest or something?” she said, still feigning courage. “Fucking unjust if you ask me.”

“I did not ask.”

“I'm on your Quiet Council now, Professor. I would have voted against it.”

“That's not what we're here to talk about, Katherine.”

“No, it isn't. Would like to talk about the real issue at hand? I'd be glad to. Why don't you tell them about your medicine.”

“They already know what it is. It will add years of life to each human who consumes it.”

“You are so full of shit I can smell it from here,” she said, tapping one foot. “Why don't you try telling them the truth about it. That it's _poison_.”

Another collective gasp rose, but no one moved. Even Logan was standing still, watching.

“And why don't you tell us all where Nightcrawler and Iceman and Pyro are, since Krakoa dragged them off the beach two hours ago,” Kitty said when Xavier didn't reply to her taunt.

“They're here on the island,” Xavier said. He clasped his hands behind his back and began to move towards her. Kitty didn't move except to look at Logan and then search the crowd for Ororo. If they didn't believe her, she would lose. If they did, she might have a tiny chance of maybe saving her crew, if not herself.

“I'm sure they are. Did you send them down to visit Sabretooth? I want to see them.”

“Where's the Elf, Chuck?” Logan said, finally pushing through the crowd.

“He's here, Logan. Relax.”

“Not til I know he's safe. And the others. They ain't done nothin' and I wanna see 'em.”

Xavier turned around to face Logan. Ororo stepped out of the crowd too, and Kitty began to think she might actually live through this.

“Professor, if they're on the island, why didn't you summon them with the rest of us?”

He laughed, a short, mirthless sound that made Kitty's skin crawl. Behind her, she heard footsteps, and whirled to face whoever was sneaking up on her. It was Bobby and Pyro, stumbling out of the forest looking sleepy.

“Sorry, Captain,” Pyro said. “We fell asleep.”

“No you didn't,” Kitty said, turning back to Xavier. “Stop messing with their heads!”

Someone yelled from the crowd that Kitty was full of shit, and she balled up her fists. “He's trying to poison the humans, all of them. He wants to commit mass-murder—and our first law is murder no man. He's playing all of you for fools!”

Logan stormed over to stand between Kitty and the professor. “How d'you know about the drugs?” he said.

“The datacard he wants. It shows all the experiments he and Moira did until they found one that was poison. Untraceable.”

There was another murmur of sound in the crowd and Moira herself pushed through. “What're you saying, Kitty? That Charles is using that formula for _all_ the drugs?”

“Yes. I've been neutralizing it before I deliver it. That's why he said it isn't working properly. No one's _dying_.”

“But how do you know?” Logan insisted.

“Because I found the datacard and helped analyze the drugs,” Emma said, appearing at the edge of the crowd and broadcasting her thoughts to all of them. People moved to let her through. “Kitty has been working with me to save humanity from the would-be mass murderer standing before you.”

“You've lost your mind,” Charles said, a scowl beginning to mar his face. “I have only ever wanted peace.”

Moira stepped up. “It's easy enough to determine,” she said. “All we need are the crates of drugs. I can test them right here in front of everyone.”

“The old ones are in the sea, but they were already inert. The new ones are on the beach,” Kitty said.

“I'll get 'em,” Logan said. “Ororo, come with me.”

“Logan,” Kitty said, hoping he didn't hate her already. “Kurt...”

“I didn't forget.”

She turned to Bobby and Pyro, not expecting information from them, but unable to help herself from asking if they knew where Kurt was. They didn't remember anything.

  
  


As soon as Logan and Ororo left the group, he told her his plan. “You take the crates back to Moira. I'm goin' to find the Elf. Half-pint's scared, I c'n smell it on her, though she's talkin' a big game. Chuck's actin' weird, too.”

They found the crates where the Marauders had left them before being dragged into the jungle, and Ororo easily carried them on winds she commanded. Logan picked up the scents of Bobby, Pyro, and Kurt, and followed them. The scent trails disappeared into the earth halfway between the Council's meeting location and the beach. There were no other scent trails to be found. Logan marked the spot in his mind and crashed through the foliage back to where everyone had gathered.

Ororo had set the crates in front of Moira, who had brought some lab equipment out. She was in the process of setting up the test, while Xavier looked on, frowning.

“Scent trails for all three of those guys stop in the middle of the forest. Right in the ground. You got an explanation for that, Charlie?” Logan said, pushing his way back through the crowd.

“Teleportation,” Charles said without hesitation.

“Nope. Don't smell brimstone. Try again.”

“I've no idea, Logan. I'm sure there's an explanation. They didn't simply vanish.”

Emma said, “They were abducted by Krakoa.” Everyone turned to her. “Bobby was kind enough to let me into his head. His memories have been suppressed, but they're there.”

Kitty was all but forgotten, except by Xavier and Emma. She stood aside, chewing her lip and worrying, wondering where Kurt could possibly be, and why Xavier would take him and not her. She was the one tampering with his poison. She was the one who dumped it into the sea. Why wasn't he attacking her?

Emma continued, “The boys have been visiting our old friend Sabretooth, which is illegal since the Council did not judge them, nor sentence them.”

“Ask Cypher about that. I can't communicate with Krakoa directly. You all know that,” Xavier said. “I can't command the island to do anything.”

“Yes you can.” Doug Ramsey dropped out of a tree and came forward. “That's how you started the island in the first place. Krakoa can understand you, even if you can't understand him.”

“This is poison,” said Moira.

Emma stood up. “He's been trying to kill the humans. Kitty and I discovered his plan and have been trying to find a solution that didn't involve continuing to lie to all of you. We hoped it was a mistake, some kind of mix-up.”

“I didn't want to believe it,” Kitty said, looking at Xavier. “How could you do something like this?”

Xavier's mouth contorted into a fierce grimace as he threw his hands out and shouted, “Easily! I did what they've been doing to us for years! If the humans are gone then we have no more issues, no more contention, no more strife and war! They've been plotting to wipe us out as long as we've existed.”

Xavier started forward, but found he was held in place by strong vines. Logan and Kitty faced him as more vines held his arms and yet more lifted the Cerebro helmet from his head. Jean grabbed it telekinetically and thanked Krakoa for the assistance. Kitty was sure the vote to place her in charge would be unanimous.

“Where's Kurt?” Kitty said, pleading with the professor's cold eyes.

He smiled. “He's—”

“Right here,” Kurt said, as Krakoa's vine gently lowered him to the ground. He rode it like Jack Sparrow rode his sinking ship into Port Royal.

Kitty whirled and ran to him, throwing her arms around him, kissing his cheek, his lips, his other cheek in relief. He stepped off the vine, keeping an arm around her, and approached the professor.

“That place we've prepared for our criminals is inhumane. I will make an argument for an alternative after you're sentenced.”

“You have _nothing_ without me,” Charles said. “I built _all_ of this. Without me you are all nothing!”

“Actually, Charles, without _me_ , none of this would have happened,” Moira said. She clasped her hands tightly. “I gave you the information you needed, I trusted you to make good decisions. You indeed built Krakoa, with the help of many others. And I helped you find the drugs to help the humans. I helped you find the poison too, after you insisted we have defense in case of attack. In spite of the Murder no Man rule. You always had the logic, Charles, no matter anyone's argument. I wonder now if that was only because you were influencing all of us to agree with you.”

Kitty noticed Logan, his face twisted in pain and anger at Xavier's betrayal. Xavier had done more for Logan in his years as an X-Man than almost anyone else he'd known. He had created something that promised Logan the chance to grow old with his friends, rather than see them all die before he aged another decade. And it had been built on a lie.

“I oughta gut you,” Logan growled, and Charles turned, actually fearful for the first time.

“Logan, please understand. I did it for you, for all of you. I was building you all a better world.”

“By making us all accessories to mass murder?” Moira said.

Jean spoke up then. “I believe all the members of the Quiet Council are present. If you are, please step forward.”

They did, and she gathered them into a small huddle. “We must determine the fate of Charles Xavier.”

Magneto was the first to speak, “I cannot blame Charles for what he's done. However, his deceit while expecting the utmost truth from everyone around him does not sit well with me. I believe some form of punishment is in order.”

Everyone agreed.

“I have a suggestion, if I may,” Kurt said. “Having visited our current er, _holding_ _cell_ , I can no longer in good conscience recommend sending anyone there. I propose a new solution.”

He still had his arm around Kitty's shoulders, and she tipped her head back to listen to him.

“What is it?” Emma said.

“Krakoa has proven capable of growing a wide variety of solutions for our problems, from soap to homes. I suggest we ask Cypher to request a new type of holding cell. Something less...cruel.”

Kitty put her arms around Kurt's waist again and smiled.

“What do we do with him until then?” asked Storm.

“A brief stay might do him some good,” said Mr. Sinister. “Until something else can be procured.”

Jean said, “Are we in agreement then? Charles will go with Krakoa until we can create a more humane solution?”

The vote was unanimous.

“Jean?” Kitty said, “I think we need to choose a new leader.”

“We do,” Ororo said, “And I propose that it be Jean.”

Another unanimous vote settled that.

  
  


The population of Krakoa watched as Xavier was drawn into the dark depths of the living island, to experience Sabretooth's fate for a little while. Afterwards, small groups formed, friends asking questions and needing answers.

“Kitten,” Ororo said. “I don't understand why you did not tell us about the drugs. We could have helped you.”

“Yeah,” Bobby said as Pyro nodded along.

Kitty had not let go of Kurt since his reappearance, and he seemed content to let her. She explained as she had to Kurt, and eventually they all seemed to understand.

“He had Krakoa drag us underground,” Pyro said, nodding. “And we hadn't done anything. So I think Captain Kate's right.”

Gradually the groups broke off, wandering home or to do whatever they normally did when there wasn't some excitement brewing. Logan stayed behind long enough to tell Kitty he was proud of her for staying strong.

“You coulda lost everything,” he said. “But you did it anyway.”

“Yeah. I almost did lose everything. Luckily, some of my friends are more stubborn than me.” She squeezed Kurt's hand then hugged Logan. “If you guys and Ororo hadn't checked up on me, I'd still be sailing around, getting drunk every day. God, if I see another bottle of cheap whiskey...” She curled her fingers around Kurt's hand again.

“What's your plan now, 'Crawler? You givin' up the life at sea now that things are straightened out?”

Kitty hadn't thought of that. Her heart began to race and she found it hard to look Kurt in the eye. If he left now, could she return to a life at sea and be content? She couldn't stay on Krakoa, but was it fair to ask him to sail with her?

“I like sailing,” he said, “But I had a home here, too.”

Kitty felt a lump forming in her throat, and before she lost her ability to speak, she said, “You don't have to stay with the Marauders.” She let go of his hand.

“I would not be staying with the Marauders,” he replied, taking her hand back. “I would be staying with you.”

She didn't know what to say to that.

“Sounds like you two have a few things to work out,” Logan said. “And I want a whiskey.”

“Plenty on the _Marauder_ ,” Kitty said.

“Plenty at home, too, kid.”

When Logan left, Kitty and Kurt were alone in the clearing.

“I have a few things I'd like to discuss with you. Would you mind if we went to my house to talk?” Kurt said. It was the first he'd mentioned having a home on the island. Kitty had wondered if he had one at all.

“Sure. That's fine.”

Emma's voice rang in Kitty's head as they started walking. “Deliveries will be delayed quite a bit, so unless we hear of some refugees, you've got some time off, Kate.”

“Thanks. And stay outta my head until then.”

Kitty could almost hear Emma's smile.


	11. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has a house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there's some sex in this chapter.
> 
> I also had trouble with the ending, so this is it for now, but if I think of something better, I'll edit it.

Kitty had spent almost no time on Krakoa at all, after learning she couldn't use the gates, she'd stayed away intentionally. Now, she and Kurt meandered along a narrow path that branched out occasionally. He said he had a dome nearby, in a secluded corner of the woods, beside a tree that seemed tailor-made for someone who liked to do gymnastics and acrobatics. When they arrived, Kitty agreed. The tree had numerous low-hanging branches, just the right thickness for a human hand to grip. The bark was smooth, and the bed of ivy and moss growing below the tree provided a softer landing than bare dirt or grass.

Beside the tree was Kurt's dome house. It was small, but he didn't need much. It contained the usual assortment of rooms, none overly large or crowded with furniture. His favorite posters were hung up though, and the movies he loved filled a shelf in the living room.

“This is your first house, isn't it?” Kitty said as she looked around at a Krakoan-grown structure for the first time.

“ _Ja_ , it is.” He went to the kitchen and poured water for both of them.

She turned slowly in a circle, then touched the wall. It felt like the top of a smooth leaf. “Do you like it?”

“I suppose. I haven't spent much time here, especially recently.”

Kitty took the water. “I'm sorry about that.”

“I am not.”

“Well, I am. If not for my crazy act, you'd be living here on Krakoa, going to parties and hanging out with your friends.”

“Kätzchen, you don't understand.” He waved to the couch and she sat down with him. “It's nice here on Krakoa. I like seeing Logan and Ororo and Jean and the others. Sometimes the parties are entertaining.” He touched her cheek and she felt it grow hot. “But I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. I figured we grew apart and that was that.”

He shook his head. “I should not have let that happen. I didn't mean for it to happen.”

“Me either.”

He set his water down and fidgeted on the sofa, turning to face her and adjusting his feet and tail a few times until he was satisfied. “I don't want that to happen again.”

“Me either,” she repeated. “But I'm a Marauder. I can't live on Krakoa, I can't use the gates. And this is your home.”

She heard him swallow. “What if...what if I go with you on the _Marauder_ while you're at sea and...and you come with me when we're here?”

“I don't know, Kurt. I don't think I can live here. Krakoa doesn't want me. I don't belong here.” Against her will, her eyes filled with tears and she blinked frantically to get rid of them. She didn't even know what she was crying about.

He reached out and grabbed her hand. “Hear me out. We're only on Krakoa a few days at a time, _ja_? So for those days, you stay with me, I can teleport you here to the area where most things happen, the center of the island in many ways. Once you're here, you can walk wherever you need to go. I don't think Krakoa doesn't want you. He would have removed you, and yet here you are.”

“But I have an escort.” She gestured at him.

“I admit it's not ideal or perfect. And certainly you don't have to agree to it. I'd never force you.” He let go of her hand and sat up a little straighter.

She chewed her lip, thinking. “I don't have anywhere to stay here.”

“You can grow one if you want, and if you don't want to, you can stay here. With me.” He said the last quietly, a kind of admission of his wants, uncertain if she would understand or even be willing to entertain the possibility.

She smiled a little. “Stay with you? Like a roommate?”

He shrugged. “ _Ja_. Or...”

“Or?” she said, sliding closer, one hand on his knee.

“Or...” he leaned towards her, closing the space between them slowly enough that she could easily have stopped him if she wanted to. But she didn't, she reached for him, met him halfway, lips already parted as her hand crept up the back of his neck.

He'd forgotten what it felt like to be kissed by someone who loved him. Or maybe he'd never known, because he was light-headed and trembling as he cradled her face. He paused mid-kiss, to breathe, afraid his brain was starved for oxygen. Her fingers traced his ear and down his neck, and she pressed her forehead against his.

“You okay?” she said.

He nodded and let his hands move to her shoulders. He felt like himself again at last, and flashed his most charming grin at her. “I've only one bedroom,” he said.

She smirked back. “You think I didn't notice?”

He kissed her again, and this time, he could taste her and feel her. His senses weren't drowning, except in her. Her fingers were in his hair and her hand was flat on his chest. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer and she pushed herself across what little space remained between them, so that she was in his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist.

The thought flashed through her mind that this could be just the human instinct to connect with someone after a traumatic experience. She pushed the thought aside and vowed to deal with it later. Right now, she was aching in a way she wanted only Kurt to heal.

His hand was on her back, sliding lower, to her hips, and he pulled her closer. She could feel how much he wanted her and she pressed against him, whimpering a little.

“God Kurt,” she said when he started kissing her neck. “I want you.”

He made a soft sound against her shoulder where his tongue was lapping at her collarbone and sending sparks down her spine. He twisted his tail around her waist to hold her close while he undid her belt, dropping it to the floor with clanks and a thud. He reached behind him then, tugging at one of her boots. She brought her knee up and somehow it heightened the sensation between her legs. “Kurt,” she begged.

He tipped her back on the couch, pulling the other boot off and then his gloves and boots as well. Kitty found the zipper on his uniform and drew it down. He sat up again, letting her slide the sleeves down and push the whole thing over his hips when he rose up on his knees. His briefs left little to her imagination, and she phased the rest of his uniform off.

It hit her that this was _Kurt_. All the other times she'd seen him nearly naked—swimming, working out, being tested at Cloud Nine in his underwear—she'd never thought about touching him. But now she did, and she passed her hand over the bulge in his briefs, drawing a most desperate moan from him.

“Oh, _Gott_ , Kätzchen,” he said, gripping the back of the couch in one hand, her hip with the other. “Touch me, _please_.”

She pressed the palm of her hand against him, rubbing up and down a few times.

He groaned at her touch, and fumbled for her zipper, yanking it down. He bent to kiss the narrow V of skin it revealed, slipping his hands beneath the sides and pushing them down her shoulders. He didn't hesitate to undo the clasp of her bra next, and flung it aside. She gasped as he sucked the tip of one breast into his mouth, tongue swirling over her nipple and flicking as she whined. She phased off the bottom half of her uniform while he was busy, and then started working his tail through the back of his briefs.

His mouth on her breast fumbled, and he seemed to suddenly realize they were both naked. Kitty chuckled and ran her hands down his chest. “You _have_ done this before, haven't you?” she teased.

He blinked down at her and said, “Never with you.” Then he leaned down and kissed her with far more passion than before. Kitty pulled him down, spreading her knees wide for him and giving his backside a squeeze. He moved his hand between her legs and touched her, his fingers dipping inside her and then moving skillfully over slick, swollen flesh.

Kitty moaned. She couldn't think about anything except the touch of his fingers and the mounting pressure between her legs. She clutched at him as she grew more restless, closer to the precipice. And then she fell, legs quivering, body clenching as she gasped his name.

He was kissing her softly when she came to, lips brushing over her shoulder and the tops of her breasts and then down the side of her ribs.

“Kurt?” she whispered, and he stretched up to kiss her lips again. The short fuzz on his body teased sensitized flesh, and she whimpered softly and rolled her hips.

He pulled his mouth away, kissing a path across her cheek to her ear. “Kätzchen,” he murmured, “I want to be inside you.”

“Please,” she said, sliding her hands down his back to grip his buttocks. She slipped one around and guided him into her, fingers exploring the connection while he moaned softly into her neck.

Then he moved and she could only hold on, arch her back, lift her hips to meet him as he slid in and out. He whispered her name mixed with soft German phrases Kitty didn't bother to translate in the heat of the moment. His movements became slightly erratic and she reached down to trace a path from his tail between his legs to cradle him gently as he shuddered and groaned.

For a moment he was motionless, and she rubbed at his back until he pushed himself up to look at her. He looked so pleased with himself, grinning down at her. Then he leaned down, kissed her quickly, and sat up on his haunches, his hands skimming over her breasts and stomach.

He didn't say anything, and she started to feel uncomfortable under his gaze, so she sat up, too, and began gathering her clothes.

“What are you doing?” he said.

“Uh...what does it look like I'm doing?”

“Leaving?”

“No, I wasn't...And I _can't_ , even if I wanted to. I don't know where we are.”

“Oh. Did...did you want to?” The last bit of arrogance vanished from his face as his smile faded.

She had her uniform balled up on her lap now, and she fidgeted with pieces of the fabric while he sat all the way back on the couch, stretching his legs out.

“No. But it's your house.”

He reached down to touch her face. “Kätzchen, come here.” He held out both arms to her, and she let her clothes fall back to the floor as he pulled her to him again. He lay back on the sofa, tucking her between himself and the back. “What's going on?”

“Nothing.”

He raised one blue brow, and she looked away.

“I don't know,” she said.

He reached up and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch, tucking it around them when she shivered. “Better?” he said.

She nodded. “Kurt, what are we doing?”

“I believe we are cuddling at the moment.”

“No,” she said, fighting a smile. “I mean us. What is this? Just a one time thing or...or what?”

“That seems like a decision best made together, _ja_? I'd like it _not_ to be a one time thing.”

She snaked her arm out to rest her hand on his chest. “Me too.”

The rakish grin was back. “Then we should address that soon, _liebchen_ , as it is, so far, a one time thing.”

  
  


“Do you want to see if there's any food in here that's fit to eat, or should we walk down and see if anyone's cooking in the common area?” Kurt said a while later, after they had corrected the one-time-thing issue.

“Considering how long you've been away, we should probably assume any food left here is now growing life forms of its own.”

Half the island seemed to be gathered around, talking and eating and cooking. There was plenty of food, most provided by Krakoa, some brought in from off the island. They sat with Logan and Ororo. Everyone seemed happy in spite of the events of earlier that day.

“Funny,” Kitty said. “We've spent so much of our lives following someone to the ends of the earth and back, and when it comes down to it, we're okay without him.”

“ _Ja_ , I thought of that. I always thought I owed him my life, and in some ways, I do. But I don't owe my loyalty at the expense of my integrity.”

They wandered around the common area, and passed one of the gates. “Where does that one go?” Kitty asked.

Kurt looked at it. “I think to England.”

Kitty was drawn to it out of curiosity. The gates were beautiful, spirals of energy and light mixing in swirling colors. She reached out to run her hand over the surface and shrieked in surprise when her hand passed through.

“What the hell...”

Kurt shrugged. “No idea. Walk through with me?”

“What if I can't get back?”

“Then we'll find another way, together.”

Kitty took his hand and they passed through the gate. It did indeed lead to England, but once they were there, Kitty wanted to try going back through. This time she did not hold Kurt's hand. She was able to pass through just as anyone else did.

Back on Krakoa, she sat down on a seat nearby. “It had to be the professor,” she said. “It's the only thing that changed.”

“No, not the only thing. But the most significant thing.”

“No,” Kitty said with a smile, “Not that, either. But definitely the most relevant to the situation we were dealing with the past six months.”

Kurt stood up. “Now that you have free access to Krakoa, Captain, what is your plan?”

She looked at him from her seat on the bench. How a man who resembled a demon could look so harmless and loving often surprised her. She couldn't help smiling. “Same as before. Sail the seas, save refugees, deliver safe drugs to humans.”

“What about Krakoa? You could build a house now and live here.”

She shrugged. “I have a home on the _Marauder_.”

“Will you stay with me when you're here?”

“If you want me to.”

“I do, Kätzchen. In fact,” he said leaning forward to whisper in her ear, “Come home with me now.”

Kitty smiled and took his hand.


End file.
